Stupid Geniuses
by MidnightWritings
Summary: Stupidity series rewritten All I did is wish that something exciting would happen to me! I didn't want to get kidnapped. Maybe talking to strangers IS bad… Akatsuki/OC
1. Chapter 1

Stupid Geniuses Ch 1

**Since I started the Stupidity Series, I've been saying I would rewrite this. You guys gave me such amazing reviews after I finished it made me want to give it another shot. Hopefully if you like Stupidity, you'll like this! And no, you don't have to read the Stupidity series in order to understand this. XD**

"Let's get working Kumori!" Pron Boss says hanging his overweight stomach over my work-space.

"Yes, sir," I say sighing and pushing my glasses up before blinking. He's still standing there. And drooling. "Can I help you?" He blinks and wipes some drool onto the back of his hand, mumbling something before shuffling back to his office. Stupid pervert. I sigh and get back to checking books in before Kairi pokes her head into my room.

"Call for you on line four," She says with a dazzling smile.

"Thanks," I mumble sliding my wheeled chair towards the phone. "Mitsukai Kumori,"

"Hey girlie!" I hear my best friend on the other line. "I'm taking you out tonight; you've been working too hard."

"Yuki…" I start but she cuts me off.

"Don't you 'Yuki' me! I'm taking you out and you're going to love it. I'll pick you up at your apartment at seven." Click. Bzzzz. I gingerly set the phone back on the receiver and look down at my watch. I get off in a few minutes so might as well call it a day.

_I wish something exciting would happen…_ I think idly flipping through one of the books someone checked back in. "Bleh," I grimace and slam it shut, seeing the cover. Come Come Paradise. Oh god, help me. Who would read this kind of crap?!

"There's my book…" Pron Boss mumbles coming back inside and sneaking his book into the back. I sigh, rubbing my forehead with an oncoming headache. The clock hits five and I pull my coat on against the biting cold of November. I shove my hands in my pockets and start back home. My stomach clenches when I hear voices following me.

_Sh!t~ I knew we should have gone out front~_ My inner wails throwing herself on the ground. _Now we're never going to make it home alive!_

"Hey," A hand claps down on my shoulder and I scream in surprise. "F*ck b*tch!"

"Don't touch me! I know how to…DO THINGS!" I turn around and see a silver haired man, his eyes sparkling.

"Oh really?" He says, his eyes glinting happily. "You know, I have some time and there's this cardboard box a few streets down-"

"Shut up, Hidan," The masked man next to him says in a low growl. "Listen girl, there are seven of us and one of you. Take us back to your house and you won't get hurt."

"Seven…?" I frown. I only see five.

"Look, there's Kisame, Kakuzu, Zetsu, Itachi and me!" Hidan holds out his hand "That's…"

"Five," I say patiently.

"Jashin dammit we lost Deidara and Tobi again!" He says glaring death. "Stay with the b*tch, I'll find the retards," He stalks off and I rub my arms against the cold.

"How are ya?" Kisame asks, grinning pointily down at me. I squeak under his gaze and flinch away, making him shook a confused look at guys around us.

"Kya~ Sempai! Tobi didn't mean to wander off!" A masked person…type…thing says running towards us. "Tobi is a good boy!"

"I'm going to kill you, yeah!" A blond guy runs after him, glaring.

"Sem-PAI!" He wails and his arms start flailing as he slides on some ice, going straight towards the ice water in front of him. He goes head first towards the water, wailing undistinguishable words that suddenly stop when there's a sickening slap. I run as fast as I can (without sliding) over to the railing and look down to see Tobi sinking down into the watery depths.

"Aren't you going to help him?!" I yell over my shoulder, seeing the Akatsuki starting to fight again.

"Huh?" They all stop and look at me like they're clueless. I swear under my breath and kick my shoes off, lifeguard training kicking in as I dive into the freezing water. My glasses make it hard for me to see under water and the icy prickles make my eyes water.

_No! You have to find Tobi!_ My inner yells punching me in the back of the head. I glare at her mentally and swim towards the bottom, Tobi's hands waving around uselessly in the current. My lungs start to burn and I repress the urge to inhale.

_Sh!t!_ I think and swim faster towards him. I grab his hand and pull him towards me, looping my arm around his waist as I kick frantically towards the surface. I'm almost to the surface when my lungs scream for air and my vision starts to blur.

There's a splash next to me and a huge hand goes under my arm, the other gently taking Tobi from me. The hand goes from my arm to around my waist and a rope thingy is tied around my waist as we break the surface. I gasp and start hacking up water as the ocean starts getting farther and farther away.

"Take Tobi next, he's unconscious," Kisame says treading water bellow me as the thread sends a friend down to help the first. It picks up Tobi and Kisame starts climbing the ledge back up to the railing.

"Tobi needs to slim down," Kakuzu says and I almost scream again when I see the threads going back into his arm. He sets me down gently and puts his head on Tobi's chest. "He's breathing," He confirms, nudging him in the side with his foot. I shiver, looking down at Tobi and try to remember what all those first-aid classes said about unconscious people.

"Here," A voice says softly and suddenly there's a robe draped around my shoulders. I look up to see the guy that looks like a mutated science fair project smiling a little. Well, half of his face is. The other is set in a thin line.

"Thank you," I say pulling it closer. The white side of his face smiles a little more and I smile back.

"**The f*ck did you do that for?!**" He says the black side of his mouth moving. "She's freezing! I don't want her death on my hands," His eyes narrow. "**And now we're going to freeze! Happy now d*ckwad?**" I shrug off the robe thing and offer it back to him. He shakes his head and gently pushes it back towards me.

Ten minutes and two near fist-fights later I'm sharing the coat with Zetsu. His arms are around me and I'm curled up inside his coat. It's zipped all the way to the top and I can just barely see out of the neck. Only my eyes and forehead are showing.

"What the hell?!" Hidan withdraws and looks at us like we're a mutant puppy. Okay… so what if we do look a little creepy? That doesn't mean- Oh wait. Now that I think about it, that visual is really, really weird.

I giggle a little, thinking about all the weird looks we're going to get.

"Where do you live?" Itachi asks and I wriggle my hand out of the coat to point in the direction of my apartment.

…line…line…line…line…

"Third floor, fifth one on the left," I say as we walk up the stairs, me still inside of Zetsu's coat. I start to fish my keys out of my pocket then freeze. "You guys are the weirdest muggers I've ever seen. What the hell do you want with me anyway?!"

"We're not muggers, yeah," Deidara says looking annoyed. "We're ninja, un!" I blink a few times then squirm out of my captor's grip, fairly easily.

"Um…" I pull my keys out of my pocket, unlock the door, slam it, and lock it again in record time. Running to my room, I pull out my cellphone and start punching in the number for the police as there's banging on the entrance to my home.

"Open up b*tch and nobody will get hurt!" Hidan yells as the kicking starts.

I ignore them, like any normal person would. Once in my room, I lock the door and hide in my closet, under a bunch of dirty clothes.

"_Nine-one-one, what is your emergency?_" The operator says cheerfully.

"Hi, I've got a bunch of guys that think they're ninja trying to break into my house. Can I have a couple of police officers over here?"

"_I'm dispatching a unit now. They should be at your door in a few minutes. What is your address?_" I tell it to her and she stays on the line with me as the front door is kicked down. "_Are you okay?_" She asks when I give a small shriek.

"They just kicked down the front door! I locked the door to my room and I'm hiding in my closet," I squeak, working hard to stay calm as I hear their footsteps running up and down the hall.

"_The officers are almost there, they just got caught in a traffic jam on third street._" She says soothingly. "_They're almost there, Kumori-san, don't worry._" I nod, not really caring that she couldn't see me. A few more minutes pass and the closet doors open, making me scream.

"Kumori-san?" I see the friendly face of a police officer and he smiles. "Don't worry, those muggers ran off as soon as they heard the sirens." I nod weakly and he holds his hand out to me. I take it and he pulls me to my feet.

"Thank you so much officer," I say smiling a little. He nods.

"If they come back or if you see them again, call us. We'll keep an eye out for them,"

…line…line…line…line…

"'Mori-chan!" My best friend giggles sitting down next to me. "Oh my Kami this is so much fun! Are you having fun? I'm having fun!" She giggles tipsily and almost falls out of her chair. "Oops!"

"Yuki, you're drunk," I sigh tucking a strand of fiery red hair behind her ear.

"Am not!" She pouts. "I'm just a little buzzed!"

"Sure," I sigh, taking a sip of my virgin strawberry daiquiri. We fall into silence, the pounding music pulsing through the air.

"Hey Kumori," She says nudging me and pointing across the bar. "That guy's checking you out."

"Really?" I grin hugely at her and look over, my heart dropping into my stomach.

"You should go talk to him! He's cute!" She shoves me and I know I can't say no. I walk over, trying to look casual as I slip my hand into my pocket and put my hand on a can of mace I carried whenever Yuki dragged me out for one of her 'adventures.'

"Why the hell are you following me?" I hiss taking a seat next to Itachi. He takes a sip of his tea and grimaces slightly before pushing it away.

"We have a mission to complete and you're part of it," He says coolly, his gaze meeting mine. "You can take us back to your house quietly or we can get your friend into this," He nods and I see Hidan talking to Yuki, her laughing at something he said. My stomach drops down to my toes.

"Okay, let me just-" I pull my hand out and try to spray him but he catches my wrist like it was nothing. His grip tightens enough to make me flinch. His eyes narrow and an idea hits me. I force fake tears into my eyes and try to pull my hand away but he stays firm. "I said let go of me!" I scream loud enough to get most of the bar's attention, especially the bald and heavily tattooed bouncer. The bouncer looks over and I close my eyes, trying to jerk my hand away. "Let me go!"

"What are you-" The 'ninja' asks frowning. The bouncer walks over, his hand clapping down on Itachi's shoulder.

"Is this man bothering you, miss?" The bouncer's voice is rough and gravely. I nod as Itachi lets go of my wrist.

"H-He was hi-hitting on me and then he started touching me! I-I told him to back off but he didn't! I was so scared!" I fling myself at his chest and start bawling. He pats my back gingerly and I smirk. Thank you acting lessons!

"Come with me. I'll take you somewhere you'll be safer and you can contact your family," I nod and stick my tongue out at Itachi's shocked face over my shoulder.

"T-This isn't a back room or something," I stammer as the bouncer's grip on my shoulder tightens.

"I know," He says chuckling and leading me towards the door. "You fell for it, Kumori. You're with us now,"


	2. Chapter 2

Stupid Geniuses Ch 2

**Saying I'm blown away is the understatement of the year. There is no way I can believe that you guys are so excited to have Kumori and Stupidity back! *blown away* You are the best reviewers I could ever ask for! *gives confetti cannon to everyone* Have fun, but please don't shoot at the other reviewers. :3 I love all of them, and hope to have them writing more reviews. **

**Likes to Smile: ^^ I'm glad you're watching out for me Smile-chan! T^T" It was late when I wrote that, so I was totally exhausted and out of it. I'll try to remember to go back and fix those mistakes. *glomps and flings cookies* As of now, it's Akatsuki/OC but I'm not sure if I'm going to keep it that or pair 'Mori-baka with someone else… I'll probably post a poll later. Angel out! XD Kidding, I've got more reviews to answer.**

**Piper: *throws the new chapter* I know what you mean. I was practicing driving with my dad the other day and some guy cut me off, giving me the finger! D: My dad flipped him off back and I laughed. XD**

**Kudomeya: I'm happy you like it! I'll update as fast as I can.**

**AkatuskiMoonlitNight: Really? *happy chibi tears* YAY!**

**SnowsShadow: ^w^ Your approval means the world to me.**

**Thanks to KittyPersona for the favorite, Siyui for the alert, My Kind of Paradise for the favorite, ZakiaTheAngelofDarkness for the favorite, and Itachi's Only Love for the alert!**

"So let me get this straight," I say at the breakfast table the next morning. My hair is frizzed out and my glasses are slipping down my nose. They just shoved a sh*tload of information down my throat. My eyes are swirling with confusion and my head is pulsing. "You're ninja from a world where ninja exist and thrive." Nods. "You're the so called 'good guys,'" Another round of nods. "And you want to rule the world, to make it a better place by only having ninja as mercenaries." More nods. "And you want me because I look like a girl from Konoha."

"That's it in a nutshell," Zetsu says looking at me almost hungrily.

"But you left out the fact that we'll f*cking kill you if you don't do what we tell you too," Hidan says gleefully.

"You didn't tell me that!" I wail slumping forward and onto the table. My forehead hits the table with a loud "whump" and I wail dramatically. "I don't wanna die!" Tobi's hands flutter around like a scared baby bird's and he dances around me.

"'Mori-chan won't die if 'Mori-chan is a good girl like Tobi!" He says and throws himself over me like a screwed up blanket. I whimper into the table and he hugs me.

"Probably gonna die anyway," Kakuzu says idly picking at a piece of broken table. "Not like Leader-sama's gonna keep her after she's run her course," I lift my head slowly and give him a stony glare.

"You. F*cking. Suck." I say and stomp off to the kitchen, Tobi still clinging to me. "Please get off me," He looks up at me and I'm sure if he wasn't wearing a mask I'd be getting puppy dog eyes. I sigh and run my hand through his hair. "Do you want to help me fix breakfast?"

…line…line…line…line…

Almost an hour later I stumble out of the kitchen, covered from head to toe in splotches of flour. Setting a plate of pancakes on the table, I cough and flour poofs out from my shoulder.

"…Dammit," I sigh and glance at my reflection. My ear-length black hair is now dusted with flour, making it look grey. I blink owlishly and take off my glasses, rubbing them on my floury shirt.

"What happened to you, un? Flour explosion?" Deidara asks. The corners of his mouth twitch a little as he tries to repress a smile.

"Hurricane Tobi," I grumble pushing my glasses back on after fruitlessly trying to clean them. "Gonna go take a shower,"

They watch me go, I can feel their stares. Running my hand through my hair, I grimace and actually have trouble pulling it out. I tug it out, pulling a few hairs out with it.

It takes almost half an hour and more conditioner than I usually use in a week, but my hair is tamed again. After I rub it over with a towel, I glance in to the mirror and smile at my reflection before pulling the towel away.

_POOF!_

As soon as it's free, my hair frizzes out again, making it look like I have an afro. Al I can do is hang my head and say "dammit" again. When I come back into the kitchen, it's relatively clean to my complete surprise. My stomach growls reminding me that I never got breakfast. The fridge stands two yards in front of me and I swear it's glowing. The two beautifully huge stainless-steal front doors swing open and church music plays. My mouth waters as I envision bacon, eggs, and hot cinnamon toast dancing around my head.

"Screw this!" I fling the doors open and suddenly the music stops. A butterfly that had flown from my imagination to the fridge suddenly dies. It lands on the floor with a quiet scream. It twitches a few times before never moving again. I feel my heart start to sink into my stomach. The fridge is…empty. I collapse into a pile on the floor. "Nou~" I wail quietly, melting into a puddle of woe.

"What happened?" Itachi doesn't look too concerned as he bites into an apple. He watches me for a second before taking the last bite out of the apple and throws the core into the trashcan behind him without even looking.

"You d*cks ate my food!" I say as he pulls me out of my puddle. I glower at him and he raises one eyebrow.

"So?" I groan and lean back against the counter, my stomach growling its protests.

"Looks like I have to go to the store." I mumble rubbing my forehead with an oncoming headache.

"TOBI WANTS TO GO!" He says bursting into the kitchen like a bat outta hell.

"No," Itachi says flatly and he wails loudly before collapsing on my feet. "You're not leaving until you have someone to go with you."

"Tobi's perfect!" I say pulling him to a standing position as he wraps his arm around my shoulders with what I'm sure is a hopefully grin.

"Tobi is a good boy," He says helpfully.

"Tobi can go-"

"YAY~!"

"If you take someone else with you," He says and gets two wide-eyed puppy dog looks. "No I'm not going. Take Kisame. He's responsible,"

"But Tobi wants to take Sempai!" Tobi says as Itachi starts to walk away.

"Deidara isn't responsible or conspicuous."

"Neither is Kisame, well the conspicuous part,"

"Kisame will do fine," Itachi says his voice void of emotion.

"I'll do fine for what?" He asks poking his head in the room.

"You're going shopping for groceries with Tobi and Kumori-san,"

"Really?" He grins with his eyes closed. "Cool. We'll leave when you're ready, Kumori-san,"

"Lemme get my shoes and coat on then I'm ready," I say with a nod. My inner starts giggling and rubbing her hands together.

_This is so perfect! We'll be able to escape now!_


	3. Chapter 3

Stupid Geniuses Ch 3

… **Yeah, nothing really to say. XD My life is boring. **

**Piper: XD I'm glad you are official amazing and one of my favorite reviewers. It's amazing that begging works for you! I do it all the time but it doesn't usually work. OHMYGOD! THE EYES! *shun* Just kidding~ I'm updating now, so is that good for you?**

**Chibi Angel of the Uchiha: I'm glad that I can please you~ Your wish is my command. That goes for all my reviewers!**

**SnowsShadow: I'm glad you paid attention to that. That's going to play a huge part in later chapters! :3 Lots of fluff from both Tobi and Kisame so you've got a lot to look forward to! So fluffy…it's fluffy!**

**Likes to Smile: Kisame's…special. He looks like a fish. XD Yeah… he's probably going to need a genjutsu or something… So many questions! She's stupid, they were hungry, and I wouldn't want them either!**

**Thanks to Ayase Reincarnated for the favorite and SnowsShadow for the favorite and alert!**

"Here's my number," I say writing my cell phone number on the pad of paper next to me. "You punch the number into the phone, press the green button, and let it ring. I should pick up but if not, leave a message and press the red button to hang up, okay?" There are nods. "Okay. Ground rules: No setting the house on fire, no rough housing, no breaking things, no killing. Figure out how to watch TV and channel surf, that'll keep you occupied," I look over at the 'ninja' sitting on the couch. They're looking over at me like I just grew another head.

"TV…?" Hidan frowns and I chuck the remote at his head out of annoyance after turning it to on.

"Figure it out." Wrapping a scarf around my neck, I look over at Kisame and Tobi. They look perfectly comfortable in their Akatsuki cloaks. "Are you crazy? It's freezing!" I pull on my coat and gloves, pulling that pale lavender knit hat that Yuki bought me for Christmas a last year.

"We're used to the extremes," Kisame says shrugging as he slips on his shoes. "This is warm next to the weather in the Snow." I shrug as well and pull on a pair of boots as Tobi bounces around us like we're some kind of screwed up maypole.

"Can we go? Can we go? Can we go?" He asks excitedly.

"Yeah," I say opening the door. "We'll be back in an hour or so,"

_Or never~_ My inner giggles behind her hand evilly.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Tobi screams, flying out of the room like he was shot out of a bullet. Kisame sighs and follows after him, waiting for me to lock up before we leave.

"This is going to be a b*tch," I mumble hanging my head. Kisame grins.

"Be happy we're going with you. Itachi could have sent Hidan or Deidara. Now _that_ would be entertaining." He grins even wider as we walk out. I immediately start to shiver, wishing I had a thicker coat. Our breath can be seen and I giggle a little.

"Chain smoking!" I say breathing in and out really fast, making my head spin. "Holy crap. Vertigo," Tobi grins, bouncing around more.

"How do we get to the store?" Kisame asks as I rub my arms against the cold.

"Taxi. I'm not going to freeze my a$$ off walking." I say and step out into the busy street. Kisame jerks me back and looks at me like I'm insane.

"What the hell are you doing?! Are you trying to commit suicide?!" He says shaking me a little. I slap his hands away from my shoulders and glare.

"You guys are the stupidest muggers ever," I say stepping back into the street and holding my hand out as Kisame says something along the lines of "we're not muggers." A few taxis go by and I flip off the one that passes me next. "Dammit," I sigh and take off my gloves before putting my fingers to my lips and whistle sharply. A taxi jerks to a stop. "That's how you do it,"

"What is that?" Tobi probably looks confused.

"Taxi, get in." I say sitting in the middle between the two.

"Where to?" The gruff taxi driver asks.

"The grocery store on seventh please?" He nods and drives off at a break-neck pace.

…line…line…line…line…

Kisame and Tobi, both looking very shaken, stumble out of the car and fall-face first- onto the sidewalk. I step out and over them after paying the cabby.

"You okay? You act like you've never been in a car before,"

"We haven't," Kisame says woozily and I get them ginger ales from the vending machine handily in front of the store.

"Drink this," I say bending down and poking Tobi in the shoulder. "It'll help your stomach," He nods and gingerly takes it. I can almost see the question mark over his head as he examines the can. Sighing and trying not to squeal over how cute that is, I pop the tab.

"Oooh," He says and grins up at me before turning away so he can drink the soda. I have a silent squeal-over-how-cute-that-is fit before going over to Kisame, who's groaning into the cement.

"Kisame-san," I say gently pulling him into an upright position, pulling him to a bench before going and getting Tobi as well.

"Don' call me that," He grumbles, watching me with slight fascination as I pop the tab on his soda. "Just Kisame,"

"…Okay," We sit in silence, the two men drinking their sodas and me rubbing my arms or my hands.

After a few minutes I get too cold and buy a cheap hot chocolate from the vending machine. It's weird but I get a small thrill out of feeling the warm Styrofoam cup in my hands, just watching the steam waft into the air. Kisame finishes his drink first and throws the can lazily into the trashcan before he looks over at me as I take a small sip of cheap hot chocolate, wincing when I burn my lips and tongue. He sighs a little before putting his arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer.

"Tobi takes forever to do anything and he's not going to want to move until he's d*mn good and ready. I don't want you getting hypothermia or something," He says when I give him a stereotypical "WTF?!" look. After a second's thought, I nod and rest my head on his shoulder. He's practically radiating warmth. I shiver unconsciously and he pulls me a little bit closer.

Tobi looks up from the soda, which he's been messing with-with such fascination that I'm surprised he hasn't whipped a microscope out of his pocket to examine it- and I can feel the smile. He turns away and I see him tilting his head back to finish off the last of the soda before he puts his arm around my waist and slides close to me. We sit there for a few minutes, the three of us.

"Let's go," I say after another minute of us sitting in the silence. "We should really get going. They're going to start wondering where we are."

"Probably right," Kisame says and we stand up, Tobi taking my hand happily so "'Mori-chan won't get lost!" I shake my head a little as we go to get a cart. I swear he's a kid in an adult's body. He lets go of my hand and clings to the side of the cart, looking around making awed noises at everything. Kisame trails along beside me as I look down at the list I made at home. It has the usual but I figure that was made in vain and I'll just get whatever the mugger-ninja will eat.

Before long we're all laughing and joking as we walk down the aisles of the store. It's become a game. I'll pick something out and Tobi and Kisame will approve or disprove. This sparks stories and jokes. It's like we're old friends or roommates going out together to restock the fridge. It isn't hard to forget I'm their captive and they supposedly could kill me at any second. If they wanted to. That's the kicker. They don't. Maybe they really are good guys.

"Oooh, here's a good one," I say and pick up a jar of peanut butter. Tobi gives it a confused look and Kisame frowns a little.

"Never had it," I almost drop the heavy glass jar.

"Never had peanut butter? Never had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" Two nods tell me no. I all but throw the jar into the cart and snatch two jelly jars off of the shelf next to it. "Grape or strawberry?"

"Grape," Kisame says and Tobi points to the strawberry. Laughing, I put both of them in the cart.

"Okay…Um… OhmyKami!" I squeal and leave the cart, streaking down the aisle towards the huge display of microwave popcorns there are. It's like heaven. Kisame jogs after me, looking confused, while Tobi jumps onto the thin wire behind the cart and puts his hands on the handle bar after pushing off. He stops a few inches behind me and I can all but see the three dots above their heads. "Microwave popcorn is love," I declare and throw a few boxes in along with a case of peach-mango Fuse.

"Tobi likes popcorn," He decides jumping off the shopping cart and swinging his arms out in front of him exaggeratedly as we start walking again.

"Popcorn's good," Kisame agrees as we keep combing the aisles.

"What do you guys drink?" I ask, hesitating in front of the sodas and teas and juices.

"Tobi likes juice." He says in a tone that makes me ache for my nephew. Fifteen month old Ryuu is the spitting image of his father. Jet black hair runs in the family, alongside bright green eyes, again a family trait. One visit my brother Riku and his wife Tanaka agreed to let me babysit for a weekend so they could have a romantic getaway. I brought Ryuu shopping with me, him sitting in the basket and me pushing.

"What do you like to drink Ryuu-kun?" I'd asked and he looked up at me confused. Before I could repeat and rephrase the question, he pointed outside the cart towards a giant container of apple juice and said perfectly clearly:

"I wike juice," I about died of cuteness.

That wasn't more than a month ago and we'd had a really good time together. Ryuu declared me "Favowite Awntie Mowi" and cried when he left. I did too but that was after he was gone.

"What kind?" I ask reaching towards the orange juice and pausing. I loved orange juice but apple was good too. This question seems to throw the good boy for a loop. He crosses his left arm across his chest and taps his right pointer finger against his lips before shyly pointing at the orange juice I had been reaching for. I giggle a little and plop it in the cart before turning to Kisame.

"Mostly sake but we'll drink anything," I wince a little, thinking about how expensive sake is. He notices and waves it off. "Tea is Itachi-san's favorite. Black or green goes well with everyone but Hidan has this huge (it's almost crippling) weakness for chamomile,"

"Really?" I tilt my head to the side incredulously.

"Yeah," He says with an eye-closing grin. He opens his eyes again and takes three long strides over to the shelves across the way. He stops momentarily before picking up two of the biggest of tea, one black and one green. A wicked smile crosses his face and he picks up a chamomile tea too. "This should be good," He nods towards the huge pile of 'necessities' in the cart and I feel my wallet shriveling to nothingness in my back pocket. "For now," The word hits me like a giant boulder and I anime fall.

After recovering from the shock of the idea that I'm probably going to go into debt housing these b*stards, Tobi squeals and rushes to a display of coloring books on the side of one aisle. There's a ton with the names of cartoon characters I only remember from brief TV watching sessions with Ryuu. He's practically drooling over the glossy covers and Kisame starts to pull him away but I stop him. Tobi looks down at me (yes, I'm shorter than him. Don't rub it in) and I make his day.

"Choose one." I say then add "And a thing of crayons." He's still holding them proudly in his arms when the elderly checkout woman finishes our groceries.

"May I see your coloring book, young man?" She asks with a smile that reminds me of everyone's favorite grandma's. He nods eagerly and holds the book and crayons out to her. She appropriately coos over them before scanning them and giving them back. She gives me a knowing smile before looking at Kisame, who is gently admonishing Tobi on encouraging me to buy so much extra stuff.

"H-H-He's not my husband!" I squeak turning bright red and waving my hands out in front of me. "H-H-H-H-He's just a friend!"

"Of course he is, dearie," She says and moves onto the next customer as Kisame easily scoops the bags into his arms like they weigh nothing.

"Let's go," He calls over his shoulder as I'm left in his wake, Tobi still dancing around with his new coloring tools beside me.

"'Kay Kisame-san!" He singsongs and grabs my hand before bouncing after the giant man.

This time Kisame hails a taxi with ease, putting the groceries in the trunk before holding the door open for me and Tobi. I blushingly thank him before sliding in the middle. As soon as the door is shut and locked, the two on either side of me tense.

"Where to?" The cabby's voice is smoother than silk this time, making me shiver a little.

"The apartment complex on ninety-fourth and pine," I say and he glides off. Tobi, whose hand is still firmly in mine, tightens his grip a little and Kisame is stiffer than a rock. His huge-a$$ hand rests on my knee, his grip slowly getting tighter and tighter. Minutes pass before he breaks the silence.

"What are you doing here…Orochimaru?"


	4. Chapter 4

Stupid Geniuses Ch 4

**Wow is the only word I can use to describe how amazing reading the reviews for the last chapter! *eyes swirl with happiness* Ah~ You guys are amazing~ I love you all~**

**Likes to Smile: Dun-dun-DUN! OROCHIMARU! NOUZ! XD Yeah… he's going to be a really big part in this series, unlike in Stupidity. I know! I kinda live offa the stuff. ^^" It's really good, okay? *bows* Well, Tobi IS a good boy so that helps me write a little, just thinking about how cute he is when he wants to be. Ha~ I get it. Likes to Smile… Smiling. Tah~**

**Chibi Angel of the Uchiha: Tobi is a good boy, that doesn't mean that he knows how to use something so high-tech as a soda can. XD I'm glad that that chapter was cute~ I hope that the ones that are to come are as cute as that~**

Looking back on that drive, I can't tell you what exactly the conversation was about. I'll tell you what I do remember though…

Orochimaru looks into the rearview mirror and chuckles. Kisame's hand tightens on my knee and Tobi is holding me so tightly it almost hurts.

"I think you know what I want, Kisame-kun, Tobi-kun," He says and licks his lips, not taking his eyes out of the mirror.

"No way in hell," Kisame says. Orochimaru chuckles and says something I can't understand. The next thing I remember is Kisame and Tobi standing over me. Tobi's fluttering around like a scared baby bird and Kisame is yelling obscenities at the retreating taxi. I slowly reach my hand to my forehead, feeling the skin under it pulsing in the frontal lobes of my brain.

D*mn… that's probably the most, I don't even know, doctorial thing I've ever said!

"'Mori-chan!" Tobi squeals and hugs me close, stroking my hair like I just had a near death experience. "'Mori-chan is okay, 'Mori-chan is okay," He says over and over, rocking me back and forth like I'm little. He sounds a little choked up.

Kisame slowly turns around and I can see the blood rush back to his face.

"Oh God, Kumori," He says and slides over to me, hand on the back of my neck and his face buried in my neck. Tobi backs off a little but takes my hand, petting it. "I was sure we'd lost you,"

"Hey, hey, hey," I say flapping my hands at the both of them to get them away so I can look them in the eye. "I have no idea what the hell you're talking about,"

"You died, Kumori," Kisame says softly. "Orochimaru killed you." The words hit me like a b*tch slap of truth to the face.

"What?" The words float out of my mouth before I can even think about the meaning that they'll have.

"You were dead for fifteen seconds," He says rubbing his eyes, but if it's from being tired or from trying to hide tears I can't tell. "Orochimaru killed you to prove that he wasn't messing around with us." His hand falls away from his eyes and I see they're slightly red-rimmed. My heart is pounding and I can't tell which way is up.

"I was…dead?" The last word comes out as a squeak. He nods slowly, his eyes searching my face for some kind of clue as to what I'm thinking. I don't know, to be totally honest. I have no idea what to think. Tears fill my eyes but I push them away and there's a pulse.

Fear.

Pure, unbridled fear pulses through me and I start shaking. I don't really know what's going on next, but I blink and I'm in Kisame's arms. He's saying something to Tobi, but it goes in one ear and out the other. I'm still shaking. That's all I know. I blink again and I'm back at my house, sitting on the couch. A blanket is wrapped around my shoulders and most of the Akatsuki is crowded around me. Most being Deidara, Kisame, Hidan, and Tobi. They're all talking really quickly and I close my eyes slowly before opening them again.

"Hold on," I say, surprised at how weird my voice sounds. "Just…Just shh for a sec, okay?" I close my eyes, putting my thumbs over my pupils and rubbing them slowly. When I open my eyes again, they're staring at me intently as I take in a deep breath, sighing. "I'm okay,"

"No you're not, you're still shaking, yeah," Deidara says kneeling down in front of me so I have to look at him.

"You're shaking like a godd*mn leaf," Hidan agrees and gets up to get me a cup of tea.

"I-I'm okay," I say again, trying to focus on not shaking. It works and I take a few deep breaths before I calm down. Forcing a smile, I look around at the worried men near me. "I just don't die often," My rough attempt at a joke fails epically and I sigh, hanging my head a little before bringing it back up to see a cup of tea being shoved at me.

"Huh?" I look up to see Hidan shoving the mug towards me, looking away with an almost invisible blush.

"Here. Sorry if I f*cked it up," He mumbles not looking me in the eye. Our fingers brush as I take the mug, relishing the heat coming off of it.

"Thank you," I say with a huge smile before taking a sip. My eyes are huge. It's sooooo good! I close my eyes happily; just letting the steam hit my face. It feels amazing and I take another sip of tea, licking my lips. I open my eyes and blink in confusion.

The five aforementioned Akatsuki are staring at me like I'm about to break out in perfect-pitch song and perfectly choreographed dance. News flash: I can't sing to save my life and only High School Musical kids can do that. Last time I checked, I was in Tokyo, Japan. Not Where-ever-they-filmed-that-movie, America. Probably Hollywood. Everything is filmed in Hollywood. Except stuff that isn't but that's beside the point.

Anywho… I go back to sipping my tea when a thought hits me.

"F*ck!" I say almost dropping the mug as I look down at my watch. Three to six. "Double f*ck!" I set the tea holder on the table and vault over the couch before darting into my room and flinging the doors of my closet open so hard that a breeze hits me. "Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t," I whine looking around desperately for the crib. I could have sworn I left it-

"AH-HA!" By now most of the Akatsuki is crowded into my tiny apartment room, Zetsu being squished into the door way. "Comin' through," I say hoisting the (surprisingly light) bed above my head and making my way to the other side of my queen bed. It fits into the corner next to it almost perfectly then I dive back into the depths of the black hole I call my closet.

"What's with that, yeah?" Deidara asks but his voice sounds distant, muffled by the clothes that I have to dig through to get close to the baby gates in the back of my closet.

"My nephew is staying with me for a while," I say into the coat covering my mouth. "Blah," The coat is now in my mouth and I make a weird noise in order to try and get it out.

"Nephew?" The word echoes through my room and then the kanji comes falling down from the sky behind them, making a small cloud of dust. "Nephew?"

"Yep," I say and cough a few times as I back out of my closet, holding the baby gate I need to put over the laundry room door. "I gave them Byakko for a week now I get to babysit Ryuu for a week."

"Who's Byakko?" Kakuzu asks and I can see the frown lines around his eyes. A few possible explanations fly through my mind. _Spawn of Satan… B*tch… My own personal hell-giver…_ Shaking my head mentally, I choose the nicest one.

"My cat," This gets everyone to anime fall.

"Doesn't seem like a fair trade does it?" Zetsu asks tilting his head to the side slightly. "**They get a cat, you get their bratty kid.**"

"You're right." I close my eyes in thought and bring my hand to my chin. "Maybe I should have said I'd babysit for two weeks." Another anime fall.

_Ding-dong!_ My eyes fly open.

"D*mn!" I start to run for the door but freeze. "Uh… stay!" I point my finger at them like they're one giant dog before darting towards the door.

"Aren't you going to invite us in?" My older brother, Riku, asks stepping inside the threshold once I get there. My eye twitches a little and my shoulders slump.

"You weren't supposed to come in. Just give me the goods and leave,"

"You make it sound like a drug deal," Tanaka says with a small smile as the bundle of coats and scarves in her arms bounces. Riku, on the other hand, has the hissing pet carrier.

"Let her out anywhere," I say over my shoulder before swooping up the bundle. "There's my favorite nephew!" Baby laughter fills the air making both of his parents smile.

"Awntie Mowi!" I laugh as well and it takes a second to find his face before I Eskimo kiss him.

"What did your momma do to you?" I say in a mock annoyed tone as I set him down. He falls over but I doubt if he really feels it. The stuff my sister-in-law threw on him before they left is enough to absorb the shock of an earthquake.

"I'm keeping him warm," She says crossing her arms over her chest and shivering a little as I kick the front door shut.

"Cripes, do you want to cook him?" I grumble getting the last of his coats off and throwing them into a pile on the floor next to the shoes, effectively covering up the extras before my brother and sister-in-law can notice. "All better!" I squeal, my voice going up an octave or two.

"Aw be'wer!" Ryuu crows and I almost die of the cuteness.

"Look out," Riku says dully and I scoop Ryuu off the floor as he lets Byakko out of her cage. Hissing up a storm, she instantly goes to my feet to attack them as 'punishment.'

"Stupid cat," I say under my breath and aim a careless kick at her. It misses but the point is made and she goes to hide under the couch. "Okay. Bye!" I start to shove them out the door again but Tanaka stops me, shoving a giant suitcase of baby stuff into my hands.

"Now if you need us you have our number right?"

"Yeah, yeah. Didn't you promise not to nag me after the weekend was such a success?"

"Yes but-"

"Call if you need us," I say and make Ryuu wave at his parents.

"Kumori," Riku says slowly, looking over my shoulder. "Who's that?" I freeze up instantly and turn around fearing the worst.

"Oh that?" Laughing nervously as I put Ryuu on my hip, I scuttle over to Itachi. "Play along," I say under my breath. Itachi gives an almost invisible nod. I'm guessing he can sense my panic. "This is Itachi my… boyfriend," I say the last word lamely, mostly blurting it.

"Oh Ku_mori_!" Tanaka gushes, rushing over to Itachi. "You never said you had a _boy_friend!"

"Yeah. Shocking," Riku says ruffling my hair. Faintly, I can hear laughter. Those b*stards.


	5. Chapter 5

Stupid Geniuses Ch 5

**My heart is swelling with happiness from all the amazing reviews! I really love you guys~ *chibi tears* You're the best reviewers I could ever ask for! I can't even begin to say how much you guys mean to me. I see stories with twice as many chapters as mine but half as many reviews. You guys are the best!!**

**SuddenEclipse: XD Yeah… I've been wanting to do that forever but I haven't been able to put it into any of my stories until now. *eyes sparkling* I really happy that you said that~**

**Likes to Smile: ^^ I've been getting a lot of complements from that, so I'm guessing it's a good idea. Really? It's an adorable name and I love it~ I doubt that 'Mori-baka would let that happen. This chapter is going to have a ton funny moments I'm hoping. *glittery eyes* I really love your reviews Smile-chan!**

**Piper: Yay for awesomeness! You're amazing Piper-san! Orochimaru is a really creepy guy though, isn't he? Ryuu is my favorite OC so far. :3 And Byakko is TEH EVIL! Well… since you asked politely, I shall update!**

**Chibi Angel of the Uchiha: ^^" I think most cats have some evil in them. Hopeful the ending for this chapter will make you happy too!**

**SnowsShadow: Of course not! Itachi's an UCHIHA so the rules don't apply to him. Kya~ Yesh~ He wuvs sushi! If Snows-chan is content, then I can continue writing! I love your reviews. Tee-hee…maybe… Yeah. In my stories the Akatsuki aren't really the bad guys so I can only use Oro-chan as a steady villain. Fluff is love. Fu-fu-fu-fu… Tea… Grinning. Fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu.**

**Maiumaora: OwO You just did for the first time! Hopefully there shall be more fluff ahead, since the next chapter or two will be fluffy since they'll mostly be stuck in her apartment. Aww~ Mai-chan! *hug* Don't worry about it! I can't wait to see it, so I know that it'll be worth the wait! DUN-DUN-DUUUUN! I like to throw you for loops.**

**Thanks to Rika Tetnomi for the favorite, HearItXxI'mScreamingIt for the alert, and Maiumaora for the favorite and alert!**

**Okay! I'm going to be gone from the twenty-sixth to the twenty-ninth. So that means no updates for that long. I'm turning sixteen on the eighth so YAY! ^w^ Happy birthday to me… Happy birthday to me! Lol! If you have a birthday coming up, tell me and I'll make you a birthday oneshot! And yes, I do take request fics.**

I all but have to pry Tanaka away from Ryuu. She's almost sobbing when she leaves but Ryuu doesn't seem like he could careless.

"Call me if anything happens, okay?" She says and I slam the door shut, locking it.

"Finally," I sink down onto my a$$ with Ryuu cradled in my lap. He looks up and claps his hands happily. There's a huge grin on his face and he reaches out to Itachi.

"Da?" My heart stops when Itachi picks him up, his face emotionless.

"No. Itachi," He says and Ryuu tilts his head to the side.

"Chi?" Itachi sighs a little.

"Close enough,"

"I can take Ryuu back," I offer and Itachi shrugs.

"I have him," He says and walks back into the family room, sitting on the couch. I crane my neck to make sure he isn't mugging the infant before going to start dinner.

"Have you seen Itachi, yeah?" Deidara snickers, hoisting himself onto the counter next to me. "He's playing, un!"

"Why's that so funny?" I ask, chopping some veggies for a stir fry.

"Haven't you heard, yeah?" He asks putting his hand up to hide a smile.

"Um… No…?" He puts his hand down, turns off the lights, and gets out a flashlight as he jumps off the counter for dramatic affect.

"It was a long, long time ago, un. Back before Itachi was in the Akatsuki. They say one day he snapped, yeah. And he killed his family. For no reason at all, un!" He flickers the light on and off a few times, obviously trying to be creepy.

"So?" He deadpans and slowly takes the flashlight away from his face.

"You're supposed to be scared, yeah," He grumbles, crossing his arms and pouting a little.

"I work at a library. The guy who signs my paychecks is nicknamed Pron Boss. I'm single and I have a devil cat named Byakko. Nothing really scares me."

"That's sad, un," He says looking a little disappointed. "You don't scare easy?"

"Uh-uh," He sighs and I grin. "Sorry, Deidara-san,"

"Just Deidara, yeah," He gives me a toothy smile and I feel a blush working its way into my cheeks.

"O-Okay," I mumble and go back to working on dinner.

"Can I help you, un?" He asks and I nod.

"If you can finish this up that'd be awesome, I can get started on the meat." He nods with a slight grunt and continues from where I'd stopped. We fall into a pregnant silence, neither of us wanting to talk. Focusing on the task ahead, I sigh a little. It's going to take a lot of money to feed these guys. They've already started cleaning me out and it hasn't even been three days.

"You okay, yeah?" Deidara looks at me out of the corner of his eye with a slight smile. I nod.

"You guys are going to eat me out of house and home," I inform him cheerily and he sweatdrops.

"You're worried about that, un? We're S-ranked criminals who haven't been this close to a chick in years, let alone one that hasn't run screaming at the sight of some of us, yeah," He snorts, pausing from the rhythmic chopping to put his hands on his hips. "We ravage people 'n' sh*t. You should be freaking out, un,"

"You won't hurt me," I say scraping the chicken into the hot wok.

"How do you know that, yeah?" He challenges, leaning closer to me so that I can smell the shampoo (my Head and Shoulders) he last used on his hair.

"If you wanted to kill me, I'd be dead by now," I say and hold my hand out for the plate with the veggies. He puts the edge in my hand and I chase the chicken around the wok, making it sizzle before I throw the veggies in and cover it. "If you wanted to hurt me, I'd be hurt by now," I tilt my head to the side so that the bangs fall over my glasses and smile. "You're fascinated by me, Dei. Admit it," I tap his forehead and close my eyes, still grinning. A light blush stains his cheeks and he turns his head to the side.

"So what if we are, un? We have had little human contact besides ourselves in years. You're not afraid of us; you're actually housing us and feeding us. You're a game for us, yeah. A curiosity,"

"How so?" I frown a little and he closes his eye, sticking his tongue out with a grin.

"You can't know, un!" He singsongs making me giggle as I pick up plates and chopsticks enough for me and my 'guests.' I chunk them down on the table and Tobi scurries over to set them out. Looking up, I realize he was over by the couch. Where the rest of the Akatsuki are.

Curious, I walk over and see all these big, tough, epitome of manly men… huddled around my nephew. Watching him sleep. I bite my lip hard enough to draw blood to stifle a giggle. As soon as the irony smell hits the air, all the ninja-muggers in front of me tense. Kakuzu looks up from holding Ryuu and his eyes narrow a little at the sight of the blood. He passes the sleeping baby to Kisame, who cradles him gingerly.

Kakuzu mumbles something I can't understand under his breath and gets off the couch, his joints popping. He takes a second to crack his back and neck before starting towards me, slowly I notice. So not to scare me. Smart man.

"Hold still," He says quietly and reaches out to touch my lip. I flinch away out of instinct but the look he shoots me makes me go rigid with fear. He reaches into his sleeve and pulls out a… a hanky. Okay, seriously? I don't say anything and fight hard to keep my face bland as he presses it to my bleeding lip. He keeps dabbing at it cautiously for a few minutes, like I'm going to explode and eat him or something. I'm hungry, but not that hungry. He pulls it away and pockets it, darting back to the couch without another word. He's sitting before the breeze from his motion hits me.

"Thank you," I say quietly and turn back to the kitchen to finish up dinner.

…line…line…line…line…

Later, after dinner has been eaten and Ryuu put down for the night, I find myself smooshed between Hidan and Tobi. There's a photo album on my lap and Tobi's opened it up to the first page. It takes a second for me to realize it's mine.

"Who's this, 'Mori-chan?" He asks tapping his finger over the first picture. It's me and my brother. I'm about four and he's around eight. We're both dressed in summer clothing, wearing twin purple-stained grins from the popsicles that Mom had brought for our picnic.

"Me and my brother," I say with a slight smile. "He's four years older than me… That was over the summer. Mom took us on a picnic to get us out of the house for a little while," The memory of the old townhouse we called home flashes across my mind's eye and I smile a little more.

"What about this one?" He asks. Mom… wow…

She's young in this one. It's one of my favorites. Her silky black hair is pulled back in a ponytail and she's sitting on the back of Dad's truck. Her stomach is swollen, obviously pregnant with Riku. Her eyes are closed and she's leaning forward slightly, her hands planted on either side of her legs. One flip-flop is almost falling off but she's laughing with her eyes closed. She looks beautiful.

"That's my mom. She's pregnant with Riku in this picture. D*mn… must have been taken almost twenty-four years ago."

"You're twenty?" Itachi's voice makes me jump. He's looking at me intently as I nod.

"Yeah. I've always been pretty short,"

"Who's this? Tobi persists pointing to a picture of my dad. He's in mid-run with an infant Riku on his shoulders. The rest of the picture is dark but I can just barely make out the shapes of our old family room. His black fly-away hair is coming out of his head at all angles and his glasses are skewed but he looks blissful. He's holding onto Riku's ankles and both are laughing.

"My dad and Riku again; that's back at our old house before I was born," We fall quiet for a little bit before Kisame looks curiously at the picture of me and Yuki standing next to the clown in Osaka. There's this one clown that everyone gets their pictures taken next to. My index fingers are in her mouth, forcing her to smile, as hers are in mine. The clown looks cheerful as ever and I notice we can't be more than twelve. I jabber about the clown happily, dreading the pictures that are to come.

"This one's cute, yeah. You look good." Deidara says pointing out a picture of me and Riku at the beach. That was taken four years ago, I notice looking down at the date. I'm in a swimsuit, holding a beach ball over my head. Riku's arm is looped around his shoulders and he's kissing Tanaka on the cheek. He proposed to her later that evening.

"Thank you," I say with a slight blush.

"Why aren't you smiling in this one? You look really f*cking good," Hidan says tapping on one a few pages down.

I swallow hard, pushing down emotions. "This was taken about two years ago. At my parents' funeral,"

"Sh*t," Hidan says quietly, sensing that he shouldn't have brought it up.

"How'd they die?" Zetsu's white side asks gently. He hesitantly reaches over and squeezes my shoulder, trying to be comforting.

"They were riding home from work together, like they did every night." I say tracing my finger over my parents' features in the previous picture. That one is of them at their twentieth wedding anniversary the night before they died. My father's arm is around my mom's waist and he's wearing a suit and tie even though he hated both of them. Mom's wearing a cocktail dress and her salt-and-pepper hair is twisted back into a bun. She's leaning into him for the picture with a smile. "A bunch of teenagers decided they'd be cool and shoot out the passengers of their train. Dad tried to protect a pregnant woman from a bullet wound, trying to get the gun out of the teenager's hands. He shot him in the head. The train driver figured out something was wrong and opened the emergency doors. Mom stayed behind to help an elderly man off the train. He got off okay but when she went back for my dad, the shooter shot her too." Tears start to blur my vision but I shove them down back to wherever tears come from.

"I was in college at the time, so was Riku. He was just about to graduate." I continue, determined now. "I dropped out because I was so shocked that they were actually… you know, dead. He graduated and went on to become a vet's assistant. He loves his job and I can tell he doesn't regret staying in college. He called me up the night after they were killed and offered to come home to be with me but I wouldn't let him. I'd already resigned from Tokyo University and refused to let him do the same. Pron Boss gave me a job at the library and I've been working there ever since," More emotions and memories bubble up, unwontedly. This time it's harder to push them away.

"Were you sad?" Zetsu asks again, his hand still on my shoulder.

"I wouldn't let myself be sad," I say putting the album on the coffee table and bringing my legs to my chest. "I knew I couldn't do that. I had to be strong for them, to prove to Riku that I was a big girl and that I could handle my own." I guess I really didn't cry over them. Emotions are… MY emotions are extremes. I couldn't let myself be sad then and then I never had time. Huh… never thought about it that much before.

"It's better if you mourn for them then keep it all inside," He says gently, his fingers brushing my shoulder before going back to their place in his lap.

That's when everything that's happened, the death of my parents, the stress over the last two years of living on my own for the first time, the pain of loosing my family, comes crashing down on me. It's like a slap to the face and I do something I haven't allowed myself to do in a long, long time. I turn my face into Itachi's chest and start bawling like a baby.


	6. Chapter 6

Stupid Geniuses Ch 6

**Aww you guys are so sweet! You're the best reviewers I could ever ask for~ :3 I'm in a good mood 'cause of the cruise I just got back from, it was sooooo amazing!**

**SnowsShadow: Kumori's now sobbing happily. She thought that you hated her! She said that if I don't tell you she's giving you a hug back she'll eat me. o_O"**

**Likes to Smile: *nod, nod* Itachi's just… y'know there. He doesn't really care what you do it him! Except punch him, that makes him mad… Fluff is amazing, so is Ryuu! He's just plain cute. I can't wait to read your next review!**

**Maiumaora: I know~ TwT"**

**bleedingcrimson: OwO That's kind of a compliment threat. ^^" I'm so flattered… Kind of. I'll update fast!**

**Thanks to Kudomeya for the favorite, Envy 192 for the favorite, and bleedingcrimson for the favorite author *omg*, favorite story, and alert! *omg, omg***

When I open my eyes again, I freeze at my positioning. My head is in the crook of Itachi's neck and my arms are around his waist. His hair is out of its usual ponytail and his arm is around my neck. His cheek is resting on the top of my head and his other hand is touching my interlocked fingers on his hip. I move slowly away from him, trying hard not to wake him. He mumbles something in his sleep and pulls me a little closer. My eyes get huge as he pulls me into his lap, obviously dreaming still.

"Wake up, Itachi, yeah," Deidara says shoving him away from me easily, picking me up like I weigh nothing. "Get offa Kumori-chan, un," Kisame picks me out of Deidara's arms and sets me back on the ground.

"Next time get a room," The shark man says with a pointy grin, making me go red.

"For now, make us breakfast, b*tch," Hidan says shoving me towards the kitchen. I glare at him half-heartedly but go.

"Yes master, anything for master," I say under my breath as I stalk off to the kitchen. Tobi's sitting on the counter, looking at me cutely.

"Who is Kumori-chan's master?" He asks and I turn red at the perverted thoughts that hit me.

"Nobody, I'm being sarcastic," I say blushing.

"Sarcastic?" He tilts his head to the side slightly.

"Joking," I explain with a small smile. "But not really," This gets his eyes to swirl and he jumps off the counter. "Uh…I was mocking him?"

"Okay! Tobi gets it now!" He declares happily and takes over my duties of cooking as Ryuu lets out a shrill wail announcing to the world that he's awake and in need of attention. I dart into my room and see him on his back, waving his fists around.

"Ryuu!" I say in my equally shrill baby voice, shocking him into silence. "Hi baby!" He looks up at me with huge eyes like "what the f*ck, you hippo?!" but reaches out and smiles. I swoop him into my arms and throw him into the air. He's giggling within seconds and I sweatdrop at the sudden mood swing.

"…It's awake," Kakuzu says looking at the two of us.

"Huh?" I put Ryuu on my shoulder and turn to face him. "What do you mean?"

"All he does is cry and mess things up," He says with a half-shrug. "Waste of money if you ask me,"

"I didn't," I say icily and the phone rings. Ryuu starts crying again and I say a particularly naughty word under my breath. "Uh… Uh… HERE!" Shoving the crying baby towards the miser, I run into the kitchen, skidding to a stop. That fails, seeing as I'm wearing socks and the floor is slippery. As I slide past, I grab the phone and press the talk button, only to crash right into Zetsu, who dominos into Hidan, who knocks Kisame off of his feet.

"Ow!"

"F*ck you!"

"What the hell?!"

"Hello?" I groan into the receiver from underneath the three mugger-ninja and I hear panting on the other line. Pron Boss. "Hello?"

"Kumori~!" He says and I dry heave at the sound of his tone. Sugary sweet and full of…pronness. "I decided that I'm going to be amazingly nice and give you today off, okay? You don't mind do you?" I can almost see the look on his face. His lips are pursed and I bet you anything he's feeling himself.

"Sure." I shrug and then say under my breath "Probably just because the new Icha Icha Paradise comes out today,"

"What was that?" He asks sounding genuinely confused.

"Nothing!" I yelp quickly and hang up, throwing the phone back at the receiver like it would magically sit back up there.

It breaks.

I mourn the loss of my landline. Then my cell rings, making my rear vibrate, right into Hidan's…thing.

"What the f*ck is that?!" He yelps, scared to death about the sudden intrusion.

"My phone. Move," I grumble and yank the cell out of my back pocket. "What?" I growl into the phone and I hear laughter on the other line.

"Did we interrupt you and your boy toy?" Tanaka laughs from the other end.

"He's not even over," I lie easily. "You just woke me up. Ryuu kept me up last night,"

"Aww," I can almost see her pouting. "You two are so cute together! Still in the awkward honeymoon phase~!"

"Actually we're just awkward," I say under my breath. "What did you call for?"

"I wanted to talk to my baby boy," She says with a grin in her tone. "How is he? Have you tried walking with him yet?"

"Not yet," I say putting my chin on the cheap linoleum floor. "I'll try it later,"

"Okay, well your brother and I are having a good time; we might stay a little longer than expected… Is that okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine! I love spending time with my nephew," I grin, glaring a little at the mugger-ninjas, who are still on top of me. "I'd better go. Ryuu's probably getting into trouble,"

"Alright, have fun and we'll call you later!" She hangs up and I sigh, putting my head back on the floor.

"Okay, as much as I'm loving this foursome, I really need to check on the baby, I left him with Kakuzu," I say squirming out from underneath them. The trio don't look too concerned for the baby's safety. "He's not gonna have eaten his, right?"

"Nope, only Zetsu would do that," Kisame grins and Zetsu gives him a slightly pouty look.

"Too young, the meat is too sweet when they're as young as he is." He says rolling his eyes playfully, but I can still hear the seriousness in his tone. "More around Kumori-san's age is perfect," I blanch to the color of paper, stumbling away from him a few feet. Black threads gently work their way around me, keeping me upright as Kakuzu walks up behind me. Ryuu is happy in his arms; one of the threads is now his chew toy. He's giggling as Kakuzu makes it wiggle around like some demented snake.

"…" I look at him for a second as Hidan bursts out laughing.

"You f*cking P*SSY!" He says, howling with laughter. "Who knew that you had it in you?!"

"I think that's really sweet," I say leaning forward to Eskimo kiss Ryuu. "Guys who have a sensitive side are hot," I add smiling a little at Kakuzu, which shuts Hidan up faster than if I'd slapped him.

"…Gimme the d*mn kid."

…line…line…line…line…

A little while later I find myself at the ice skating rink. The Akatsuki are dragging me inside and I instantly put on the breaks.

"I-I can't ice skate," I stutter, trying to back out again. "I can't stand up on them without killing myself,"

"Then we'll help you!" Kisame says with a pointy grin. "Don't worry," Ryuu is dropped off at the rink's daycare center so we can skate without worrying about him.

"Itachi-san and I'll start off," He says with a huge smile as we lace up our skates. I hesitate but nod as I try to stand up, wobbling a lot. Two arms go around my waist on either side as everyone but Kisame and Itachi run out onto the ice. Tobi doesn't even bother to put skates on. I hesitate when we go right to the edge of the ice.

"I don't know…" I say, not liking how slippery the ice looks.

"We'll both be right next to you," Kisame says leaning down so his chin is almost touching my shoulder.

"I won't let you fall," Itachi says quietly, starting out onto the slick frozen water. Kisame follows and I have no choice but to go. We stay close to the railing, going slowly.

"Shuffle," Kisame commands gently, taking long easy strides. I do so and find myself moving forward enough so neither of them really has to push me.

"I-I'm moving," I say, almost giddy with happiness. "I'm moving!" I look to either side of me. Kisame is grinning hugely, squeezing my hip. Itachi nods minusculely and pats my hand.

"Good job," I squeal with happiness and promptly fall back on my a$$.


	7. Chapter 7

Stupid Geniuses Ch 7

**Happy (belated) fourth of July you guys! :3 I love this holiday personally seeing as I am an AMERICAN! *woo* Heh…Yeah… *pokes fat* I fit the stereotype pretty well if you ever wondered what I look like. I'd draw a cartoon of myself but it'd be a fat stick figure with glasses and dirty-blond hair. Drawn in crayon. Badly. Anyway… ON TO ANSWERING THE REVIEWS I LOVE SO DEARLY!**

**demon of my heart and mind: Aww, I'm sorry. I fail epically at skating too! XD You're so lucky you get to babysit cute kids every weekend! *jealous* I don't really babysit much because my neighbors are all tweens… :/**

**Piper: Kumori's really mad about that XXDD I'm so happy you still like it~**

**Maiumaora: O_O"" Are you okay?! That's gotta kill! Ha~ Akatsuki dominos. That'd make a cute fanart. *nudge-nudge-wink-wink***

**Likes to Smile: *grins evilly* Oh yes. I kinda live off of fluff and jealous characters!**

**Bad-LuckCharm: O3O You really like it~? YAYZ! ;3 Thanks so much~**

**Thanks to demon of my heart and mind and DanceScreamSing and .x for the alerts and Bad-LuckCharm for the favorite!**

I blink a few times before pulling my legs around so they're on either side of my body, my hands in between them. My glasses are falling down my nose and I glare a little up at the mugger-ninja who were supposed to be keeping me upright.

"You did that on purpose," I say accusingly as Hidan skids to a stop in front of us, spraying shavings of ice all over me.

"Did _that_ on purpose," Hidan says bending over so his hands are on his knees. He's grinning down at me as I wipe the shavings off my face. His eyes are closed. An evilly evil thought hits me and I quickly make a snowball out of the remaining ice.

"Hidan~" I sing, getting him to open his eyes before I throw the snowball in his face, getting up and trying to run. I go a whole two inches before I'm pretty much running in place. I look back and see the three standing there, just staring at me. Completely deadpan.

"I could kill you right now. Seriously, that's not even funny how pathetic that is," Hidan scoffs crossing his arms as I promptly fall back on my a$$ again.

"Ow…" I groan feeling two slender arms hooking underneath my own. Looking up, I see Tobi standing above me, pulling me too my feet.

"C'mon, 'Mori-chan!" He says skittering out in front of me like an overly-excited puppy. He holds his gloved hands out to me and I hesitate. "Tobi will help 'Mori-chan!" I put my hands in his and he starts backing up slowly, his steps never faltering on the slick sheet of ice. I shuffle tentatively, reassured by his strong grip. Before long, his hands are less needed and I'm skating (very, very slowly) almost on my own.

"Very good!" He crows and lets go completely, clapping his hands together. Surprised by my own achievement, I fall backwards again. Looking up, I see Kisame and Itachi instantly by my side as Hidan and Kakuzu tense near us. Deidara and Zetsu both have weird pointy knife things in their hands and Tobi is trying to pull me off of the ice.

Then I hear a gunshot and freeze up.

"Move!" I hear Kisame bellow and the world seems to slow down. Tobi is dragging me under the bleachers they have set up because of the local hockey games that often occur here. The rest of the mugger-ninja are running towards the door and the position where the gunshots came from. I hear laughter and a couple more rounds go off into the ceiling.

"This is beast, man! All these guys are grody!" Their leader says with a slight slur, stumbling a little as he comes in the door.

"It's five o'clock somewhere," I say under my breath as Tobi and I start moving towards the door.

"You!" We both freeze when one of his minions point at us. "Stop movin' around dammit…"

"Don't order them around," Itachi says pointing a knife thing at him. "Or I'll kill you,"

"Ooo," All of the drunk men look at each other, laughing. "What are you going to do? Glare at us?"

"Or this," He throws the knife at one and hits him in the shoulder. He yells in pain, trying to pull it out but soon more knives start flying. Along with bullets, but strangely none of the mugger-ninja get hurt…Crazy mugger-ninja!

"I'm gonna go find Ryuu," I whisper into Tobi's mask and he nods a few times.

"Tobi will cover 'Mori-chan," He says quietly and helps me get back to the nursery.

Inside the worker is gone and Ryuu is sitting in a playpen surrounded by blocks.

"Awntie Mowi!" He squeals throwing his arms up, the blocks go flying.

"Shh," I put a finger to my lips, crouching over like they're actually after me. He looks confused but puts his entire hand to his lips, going "TBTHHHHHH!" I blink a few times, wiping spit off my face. "Close enough," He giggles and holds his arms out to me. I sigh and pick him up.

"Awntie Mowi," He says cuddling into me happily.

"Hey kiddo, let's get out of here," I say and turn around, coming face-to-face with the barrel of a gun. It's pointed right between my eyes and Deidara is frozen in mid-step, his hand reaching out to me.

"'Ello," The leader has blood dripping from the corner of his mouth and there's a bruise forming on his eye. "Don't move or I kill you,"

"Got it," I squeak, going as white as milk. It doesn't take long for the rest of the mugger-ninja to get here and pale as well.

"Well f*ck," Hidan says bluntly, scratching his eyebrow. "Looks like we've got a bit of a dither here don't we?"

"No sh*t Sherlock," I say under my breath and glare at him. Ryuu coos in my arms, reaching up for the gun. I pull him away from it, ignoring the leader's look. "Get me outta this,"

"Shaddup!" The leader growls, back handing me easily. I yelp quietly, biting the inside of my cheek so I don't do anything stupid. "Good b*tch," He says with a drunken laugh.

"HEY!" Hidan yells clenching his fist. "Only I can call her b*tch, you f*cking heathen!"

"One more word and the girl d-" He makes a move to pull the hammer of the gun back but goes starch white, seeing the weapon in Kakuzu's hand. He's idly twirling it around one finger.

"You were saying?" He asks tilting his head to the side slightly. I can see the corners of his eyes getting crow's feet as he smiles. I can see the blood lust starting to seep into Kisame's gaze as he pulls his giant-a$$ sword from his back. The leader starts shaking as Hidan licks his lip, getting his scythe off of his back.

This leaves me with one question ringing in my ears.

"How the HELL did you guys not get caught by police for having those things?!" I ask slumping against the wall, my arms around Ryuu as he claps his hands. Tobi sits next to me, obviously worried that I'm going into shock, as he checks my vital signs and such.

"Magic," Zetsu grunts and his black half cackles. "**Can't wait to kill this f*cker! He's been p*ssing me off for way too long!**" The man pales even more if that's possible as I put my hands over Ryuu's ears for the screaming.

…line…line…line…line…

"I need a coffee," I groan shoving Ryuu into Itachi's arms and stumbling into the nearest brand-name coffee place. Kisame ducks in the doorway, coming after me as I go to the front of the line, ordering a white chocolate mocha and a chocolate cream cheese muffin. "You want anything?" I ask craning my neck so that I can look up at him. He's staring at the menu like it just said he's been put in the running for president. He starts ordering a long line of lattes and mochas and teas, ending with a hot chocolate for Tobi.

My wallet shrivels into nothingness as I pull my money out of it, paying for the over-priced coffee drinks. I slump against Kisame's leg, chibi tears streaming down my cheeks as I look up at him.

"You guys are going to be the death of me," I say tearfully and he looks at me with three dots over his head.

"Next time you want to buy something, we'll do it our way. Okay?" I nod as he picks me up by the back of my jacket, throwing me over his shoulder as he grabs the drink carrier and muffin before leaving. "I swear, you're the weirdest girl I've ever met,"

"I resent that!" I say to his butt. "You're so mean,"

"Careful not to touch Samehada," He says casually, making me deadpan hugely.

"Are you not listening to me at all?!"

"Not really~"


	8. Chapter 8

Stupid Geniuses Ch 8

**Happy sixteenth birthday to me! …Okay so it was on the 8th but oh well~ Warning, if you cry easy you might want to get your tissues out. Kind of a sad chapter (short too 'cause this is kind of a filer :x)**

**Piper: I love your reviews, Ryuu, AND the addition! Your cousin sounds like a snot XD**

**SnowsShadow: That's probably my favorite quote from the series so far! XD I'm glad you like Hidan being the jealous little sh*t he is.**

**Likes to Smile: Kya~ Tell me who and I'll punch them in the face! DXX I understand it~ It's the thought that counts, right?**

**Thanks to Cammy-the-cat for the favorite!**

_Third Person POV_

One night, after Kumori had gone to bed, Tobi had curiously opened up the photo album again, finding a picture to his interest.

"Hey, hey, Sempai! Look at what Tobi found!" He says pointing at one picture.

"What is it, un?" Deidara asks sounding slightly annoyed. Tobi shoves the photo album two millimeters from his face. "Can't see, yeah," He says with a dark glare.

"Tobi's a good boy, right? Tobi found 'Mori-chan and Orochimaru!"

…line…line…line…line…

The next week passes by faster than I could ever imagine. Before I can blink, Ryuu's gone and I'm left alone with the Akatsuki.

"Sh*t! I'm late for work!" I shriek running out of my room and straight into Kakuzu's chest. His threads work their way around me and hold me tight, but not tight enough to hurt.

"You're not going anywhere." He says taking me into the family room. "Zetsu, call her work,"

"Got it," He says "**F*ck you, Kakuzu**,"

"What's going on?" I ask my eyes huge. I knew it! They're going to kill me!

"You're coming with us," Itachi says coldly.

"_Hello~ This is Mitsukai Kumori~ I'm taking today off because of…personal reasons. Tee-hee! I'll be back to work soon! Bye~_" Zetsu giggles into the phone and I find myself creeped out.

"I don't sound like that…do I?"

"Not exactly but your boss will be fantasizing about that for a week," Kisame says with a half shrug.

"You're coming back with us." Kakuzu growls and sits down on the couch, me perched in his lap.

"Huh?" The word hits me like a kick to the face.

"I knew you shouldn't have told her, yeah," Deidara walks by, shoving his hands in his pockets and tilting his head back to look at the ceiling. I frown and look over at him, about to answer but then there's suddenly a shimmer-y image of a man in the room.

"Itachi," He says, pronouncing each syllable of his name slowly. "Have you completed your mission?"

"Yes sir," He says respectfully bowing his head slightly. "We were waiting for your signal,"

"Affirmative," He says crossing his arms and nodding. "Everyone thinks that Akatsuki has died out,"

"You and Konan-san are still in the Rain hideout, correct?"

"Yes," He says with a sharp nod. "You may come back when you're ready,"

"Yes sir," All of the Akatsuki say at the same time. The shimmer-y man's gaze turns to me.

"Kumori-san," Kakuzu's thread pokes me sharply in the kidney.

"Y-Yes sir!" I say and bow my head quickly since I can't move.

"You will be trained under each Akatsuki member until I deem you worthy to become an Akatsuki member."

"Yes sir," I say through gritted teeth as the thread pokes harder into my kidney.

"Dismissed. When you can, get back to the hideout."

"Yes sir," All of us say at the same time and the image disappears with a small "zoop" as they all stand up. I tumble out of Kakuzu's lap but his threads hold me tight against his chest.

"We're leaving now."

"What about Byakko?!" Kisame picks her up.

"We'll bring her with. She's feisty, she could be useful." He says as she perches on his shoulder.

"Ready?" Itachi asks pulling his shoes on as Kakuzu's threads shove mine on my feet.

"Yeah," Everyone says eventually and they get in a circle. Hidan's bleeding from one of his earlier sacrifices and he draws this weird pentagram with a star at each of the Akatsuki's places. Everyone puts one hand in and their eyes close with concentration. Itachi is obviously going to be the leader in this operation. Surprising myself, I feel tears welling up in my eyes. I'm never going to see my friends, my family, Ryuu. Oh my God I'm not going to get to see him grow up. Not going to see him walk on his own, potty on his own, first day of kindergarten, first kiss. Prom! I was going to help him get ready for prom! The tears fall as they turn slightly blue with the energy (chakra I think) surrounding them.

"Get ready, start forcing your chakra into the center. Make it sharp, we have to get the gate open long enough for us all to get through," Itachi says as the energy grows. Even I can tell that this is a big deal. I hold my breath as a door-shaped…thing opens up so I can see it raining on the other side of the door.

"Kumori, Kakuzu, and Tobi go." Itachi says sharply and suddenly I'm getting rained on. Kakuzu sighs and makes an umbrella out of threads, holding it over us. More tears fall as I see my apartment for the last time.

_You could still make it!_ Inner Kumori says, not sounding too hopeful either.

_Kakuzu could kill us before we'd be able to blink._ I think quietly, letting all hope fade away as the door closes. Even Kisame is panting from effort and all the chakra they used.

"We're two miles from the Rain base," Itachi says after taking a few deep breaths. "Everyone okay?" Each man nods when Itachi's eyes are on him.

"Good, we're leaving." He says and starts jumping away, the rest of the mugger-ninja following.

That's when it hits me. This is really happening. I'm really never going to see my old family or friends again. Now, I have no family. I guess a few of these guys could be considered my friends. But still…

Byakko starts hissing when Kisame moves from the protection of a large tree, getting her wet. Kakuzu lets my arms loosen enough so that I can take her, stroking her wet fur as she hisses. She growls and scratches my finger, just enough so that it'll really itch later. But strangely, that's comforting. It's weird but I'm happy to have her. It makes things feel somewhat normal, even though things will never be the same ever again.


	9. Chapter 9

Stupid Geniuses Ch 9

**Soooo~ Nothing goin' on in my life… yeah…**

**gar-a-ash: You're going to make me cry! That's the nicest compliment ever!**

**Piper: I'm updating right now! XDD You really should get a FF account! That'd make me happy~ I hate Karin-b*tch too. ^^"**

**5tailedwolfmistress: I'm confused now…**

**Smile-chan: Yeah… It probably was really hard. I'd probably have a nosebleed category five. ^^ I love you~**

**Thanks to Manchurian Pudding for the favorite author, favorite story, and the alert, to gar-a-ash for the favorite story and alert, to Vanilla-Scent Blond for the alert, to 5tailedwolfmistress for the favorite, to .Girl for the alert, to Kiyoki Fujimoto97 for the favorite, Flame Burn96 for the favorite and . for the alert and favorite!!**

It's been over three months since I got to the Akatsuki Hideout and was 'asked' to join. Bet you're wondering about Byakko-baka, right? Leader-sama took her for the first month and trained her. Thanks to his jutsu and training, she's bigger now. Way bigger. And she can fight better than I can too (not much of an accomplishment but still…)She wanders around the hideout sucking up to everyone but me. Me, she still hates. We train together pretty decently but not good enough for the Akatsuki's standards.

All through those months, I've been working my a$$ off. I've trained under each Akatsuki member at least once, though Konan-san has played sensei three times so far. She doesn't really like me that much either so it's been fun.

"Kunochi need to be graceful, sexy, beautiful," Konan says crossing her arms. I've trained under everyone else. I've learned how to fight, how to kill, how to interrogate, and how to heal. Needless to say, I'm not good at anything. Healing is the only thing I don't completely suck at. Grace, sexiness, and beauty are three words that will never be used to describe me. "We need to easily figure out how people function within a spilt second's notice and figure out how to kill them after getting the information from them." She's not really cold, per say, just firm. I like her, I guess.

"So I need to learn how to be…pretty?" I ask spinning in her desk chair. Her eye twitches but she nods.

"More or less," She says with a sharp nod. "After I'm done with you, you'll be able to seduce any man and get any information you need,"

…line…line…line…line…

It isn't until I stumble out of the training room that Byakko decides to show herself again. I hear thumping and look down the hall to see her running towards me.

"F*ck!" I squeal and start running away from her but she tackles me, sinking her teeth into my leg.

"Stupid b*tch," I say focusing healing chakra into my hand. She lets go and licks her lips, purring with her eyes closed as she sits back on her haunches. My hand glows green softly as I put a finger over each teeth mark. Focusing my energy on that, it doesn't take long for the blood to stop and the new, pink skin to show. Five minutes and it's done.

"Too slow," A voice says behind me and I jump. Byakko tenses and turns around to growl, but instantly mellows when she sees Itachi. She actually purrs and rubs her cheek against his leg. He rests his hand on top of her head. "If we were in battle, you'd have been dead by now."

"Yes Itachi-san," I say, biting back the anger I feel towards him. "I'll work on speeding it up," He nods sharply, gone before I can blink.

"Let's go, Byakko," I sigh and start walking back to my room, collapsing on the small bed inside.

"Ow…" I hear from underneath me and scream, rolling off my bed. Tobi waves weakly. "'Mori-chan is really fat!"

He then goes flying from my room faster than a fricken bullet.

…line…line…line…line…

"Wake up," I open my eyes and smile a little.

"Good evening, Sasori-san," I say yawning a little as I sit up. "Piano?"

"Piano," He agrees handing me my robe. I pull it on and he breezes out of my room. I walk after him quickly, knowing where he's going by heart. He gives me a half smile as I sit down.

"Duet?"

"Why not?" His fingers fly across the keys as I clunk along beside him. He stops abruptly with his eyes narrowing. "Go back to your room, Kumori. Take Byakko with you,"

"What's going on?" I ask standing up and getting ready to run.

"Intruders, some shinobi have come to check out the hideout," He says and I pale.

"How do you know?" I ask, starting to back towards the door.

"Akatsuki's silent alarm. Undetectable," He says with a sharp nod. "Get to your room, stay hidden," I nod and run back to my room, Byakko growling when she sees me.

"Shh," I say sitting next to her. I hear voices and I mask my chakra as best as I can… which isn't very good but still.

"Ne, ne, Sakura-chan! We're in a hideout! Isn't this cool?!" A boy's voice sounds excited.

"Not really," She sighs. "C'mon, this is giving me the creeps."

"Don't worry, this place is long abandoned," He says and I'm sure he's grinning. "You're not scared, are you?" Sakura scoffs.

"Of course not, you idiot! It's- Did you feel that?"

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"We're not alone, there's someone else here." I concentrate hard with my eyes closed. They're right outside my door. Oh god. I hold my breath, trying hard to not let my chakra become unmasked.

"What do you mean by that?" The boy asks and the girl turns towards my door.

"Naruto, I think they left a prisoner here," She says quietly and her hand is on the doorknob. I pale even further, terrified of what's going to happen. The door suddenly opens and all three of us gasp. "I was right!" Byakko growls low in her throat as I tense, backing into the wall.

"A girl!" There's a blond boy with whisker marks and a girl with pink hair standing in front of me. They both look as shocked as I am as Byakko gets up, pacing uncharacteristically. "What are you doing here?" My heart jumps into my throat as I try to remember some of the self-defense moves that Hidan taught me. Said that if someone was going to f*ck me for the first time it was going to be him. Then he'd sacrifice me to Jashin-sama like he does for any other girl he…does.

"Hey, are you wounded? We're not going to hurt you," The pink haired girl says closing her eyes with a smile. She's the enemy. I glance up to see her hitai-ate not scored like the Akatsuki's are. Scored: Good. Not Scored: Bad.

"Yeah, we're here to help you, 'tebayo!" The blond says loudly with a thumb up in my direction.

"No," I say quietly and they look at me strangely.

"No?" The blond looks even more confused. "What do you mean no?"

"I think she's delusional from all the Akatsuki must have put her through," Sakura says behind her hand. "We should get her back to Tsunade-sama to look her over,"

"Good idea," He agrees starting to move towards me. There's a stark white hand wrapped around my ankle that I recognize as Zetsu's. His chakra fills my body and, looking down, I'm glowing blue.

Byakko hisses and jumps over the two, running out of the room and down the hall before anything else happens. Looks like I've freaked her out. There's a firm tug on my ankle and I slip through the floor, right into Zetsu's waiting arms.

"That was close," His white half says quietly, looking down at me. "**You better be okay,**" He adds as I nod, feeling my heart pounding in my chest.

"T-Thank you for saving me, Zetsu-san," I say softly and white Zetsu smiles.

"Please… Just call us Zetsu,"


	10. Chapter 10

Stupid Geniuses Ch 10

**Kya~ I made it to the tenth chapter! *dances badly* Yay me! XD You guys know the reason I keep updating is you guys~ So yay again! Looks like I'm going to be out of town from the 24th until… eh, the next Saturday I think. Sorry but no updates for a while!**

**Konan-Akatsuki: XD I'm glad that you liked that line! :3 I like your reviews.**

**Inner Sakura: …That was a cliffy? XD News to me. *laughs and hugs back* **

**Smile-chan: Zetsu's blushing right now. And Hidan's a pervert that wants to take away Kumori's… yeah… They kinda have to lie, don't they? Y'know, to be criminals and all. Tobi is an idiot to even think he could say that!**

**Usagi323: *puts a hand to Usagi's forehead* Nope… You're not sick. Don't let SnowsShadow hear you say that. She's not a big fan of Kumori, but most people aren't. XD Thanks anyway!**

**gar-a-ash: I don't know how I came up with that but I love it! I'm glad you do too~ Byakko's one of my favorite OC's.**

**Piper: Zetsu should have his own theme song! Like The Final Countdown or something… That sucks! I'd love to have you on here with an account! XD That story's funny.**

**Sorry you guys but I'm leaving town from the 24th to…eh… around the second or third… I'll have little access and no laptop but I'll be out in the wilderness so I'll be INSPIRED! *grabs a camping kit and rice farmer's hat with mosquito netting***

**Thanks to Maru-chan101 for the alert, Kuro Rori for the alert, .Uchiha.X for the alert, Princess Zathura for the alert, Usagi323 for the alert and fav, and XSweetXSourXSoulX for the alert!**

"Okay… Zetsu," I smile a little and he gently sets me on the floor.

"Stay here. We're going to look around for Byakko and see if we can scare them off." He says softly, patting my shoulder. "**If you hear anyone coming down the stairs, hide. We'll come find you when it's safe.**"

"Got it," I say with a nod and he gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze before melting into the floor. I bite my lip hard as I look around. I'm exhausted, there has to be a place where I can sit down. Sasori always gets me for piano playing in the middle of the night, which I hate. I need my beauty rest.

There's a chair in the corner and I start over to it but there are footsteps. Coming closer. Oh god I feel like I'm in one of those bad horror movies. I hold my breath and turn, hiding in the darker corner of the room. The footsteps come closer and finally enter the room. I close my eyes and let out a breath slowly once I hear the person leave.

"You f*cking suck at hiding," A voice says pulling me up by the back of my shirt. Hidan pulls me up so that my face is level with his and he's smirking. "If I was one of those Konoha b*stards, you'd be halfway back to their village by now,"

"Put me down," I grumble shooting him a death glare. He grins but keeps me in the air. "You owe me, f*cking big time,"

"You're going to rip my shirt," I say flatly.

"You're so negative~" He coos starting to lean towards me.

"What are Hidan-san and 'Mori-chan doing?" Tobi asks skipping towards us, making Hidan drop me in surprise. I land flat on my a$$ and groan, Tobi wailing in surprise. "Is 'Mori-chan hurt?!"

"I'm fine," I say as he helps me up. "Hidan's just a d*ck, but what's new?"

"At least I have one," He says under his breath shooting a pointed look at Tobi.

"What's going on up there?" I ask when Tobi stops fussing over me.

"Zetsu's flushing out the f*cking retarded Konoha ninja, gonna try to kill them. They found out about you so they know too d*mn much," Hidan says crossing his arms across his bare chest.

"What do you mean? Am I some kind of secret weapon? Me an' Byakko can't even fight together yet," I say with three dots over my head.

"'Mori-chan will be the Akatsuki's healer!" Tobi says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Akatsuki get beat up real easy so it'll be 'Mori-chan's job to keep them…not hurt!" A small rainbow flies from behind him.

"You're a f*cking retard," Hidan says cuffing him on the back of the head.

"Ow~" Tobi says with a small whine as he holds the back of his head, whining more when Hidan kicks him. Frowning, I think back to my medic training. Tobi said I could hurt people with my chakra, right? Why not try it out on Hidan the Bully?

I sneak up behind him, which is really loud but he's distracted in his merciless beating of Tobi the Good Boy. I focus chakra into my fingers and close my eyes, mapping out his body in my head. When I open my eyes again, I know roughly where his kidneys are.

"HA!" I take both my index fingers and poke him where I think his kidneys are. He blinks twice and turns around slowly, his face turning red with anger. I poke him again, more desperately this time. All I hit is a pocket of tissue on either side. Yelling and poking him probably wasn't the best idea I ever had.

"What the f*ck do you think you're doing?!" He yells and starts chasing me down the hall, intent on killing me despite Leader-sama's orders.

"I FAIL AS A MEDIC!" I scream running at top speed down the hall. Hidan's quickly closing in on me and I scream like a banshee, praying for help.

_Thump-thud_

I run into someone, fall flat on my a$$ for the millionth time today, and don't hesitate to scramble around to the safety of behind his legs. Looking up, I see Itachi glaring at me from over his shoulder. He sees Hidan thudding after me.

"You're a dead b*tch!" He howls and suddenly stops moving, skidding to a stop in front of Itachi's feet. He's drooling. I cautiously look up to see the Mangekyo Sharingan blazing in Itachi's eyes. He blinks once and they return to his normal red with commas combo. He nudges Hidan out of the way with is toe and starts to walk but pauses. I look up fearfully and see his eyes turn to me.

"Next time, you're on your own." He says in his uber-cool nonchalant tone as he walks away slowly.

**Sorry you guys, like I said, but I'm leaving town from the 24th to…eh… around the second or third… I'll have little access and no laptop but I'll be out in the wilderness so I'll be INSPIRED! *grabs a camping kit and rice farmer's hat with mosquito netting* Hopefully I'll survive! It's mosquito-city where I'm going. I'll be writing soon! *gallops away dramatically***


	11. Chapter 11

Stupid Geniuses Ch 11

**I SURVIVED MY LONG VACATION! It was pretty fun, but I'm happy to be home. But then I realized that school starts on the 11th for me. O_O"**

**Usagi232: Yeah, so that means that I'm doing a good job writing her! YAY FOR NOT BEING A SUE! XD**

**Deidara-kunisMine: Thank you so much! I survived and that makes me really happy~ *tee hee* You'll find out what happened with Oro-kun soon enough… Kukuku…**

**gar-a-ash: I missed you too~ 8D I'm updating now so that, hopefully, helps! **

**Chibi Angel of the Uchiha: It's my goal to make my readers laugh, so I'm glad I'm succeeding! I had a great time camping, but I've got a ton of bites… Stupid mosquitoes!**

**Inner Sakura: I love your username! It was an interesting camping trip… Yeah! Itachi has a soft-ish side that I like to bring out.**

**Piper: That describes Itachi down to a T! Hmm… We should think on up for him, right? Hidan is a meanie and Tobi is a good boy ^^**

**Akatsukifan: I was starting to wonder where you went! I'm really happy you liked it, that was a really hard one to finish… I think it was kind of abrupt. I'm glad you like Kumori-baka, I work hard to keep her believable. *gah* You know I can't do anything when it comes to the eyes!**

**Thanks to kris1809 for the alert, Akatsuki Chef for the author alert, Deidara-kunisMine for the alert and favorite, Meco45 for the alert, Saruka Uchiha for the favorite and author alert, and randomgirl110 for the fav! *out of breath* **

**Holy crap, I'm really sorry about the lack of update. My laptop had a lack of charger and I couldn't use it. *bow* Please forgive me!**

I shiver as I sit on the floor, just inches away from an unconscious Hidan. There's no doubt in my mind that he would have killed me if he had the chance. I pull my legs to my chest, eyes wide when he twitches. I hit him on the back of the head, successfully knocking him back out. He twitches again and I get up, running.

"KISAME, I THINK I NEED TO GET RID OF A BODY!" I shriek running down the hall into the safe-room where the blue ninja is sitting and polishing Samehada.

"What are you talking about?" I stare at him.

"You're hopeless! I need Zetsu-san!" I spin on my heel and run straight into Zetsu's chest. His white arm reaches out to me, making sure I don't fall back.

"What do you need us for?" He asks softly. "**This better be good, I'm starving,**"

"YES!" I cheer and hug him around the waist, pulling away when he puts both hands in the air like I'm toxic. "Sorry but I need you!" I grab his hand and run towards where I left Hidan's body.

"What for?" His white side asks looking slightly confused.

"I need you to eat Hidan," I say motioning to him. He bends down and puts two fingers to Hidan's neck.

"He still has a pulse. **So what?!** That means we can't eat him. Leader-sama says. **F*ck what Leader-sama says. I'm starving!**"

"That means he's not dead! YAY! I'm not going to be in trouble when he wakes up!"

"Nng," Hidan starts to stir and I scream.

"YOUR PROBLEM!" I yell and start running down the hall like my a$$ is on fire.

…line…line…line…line…

_In Konoha, Third Person POV_

"Tsunade-sama," Sakura says with a low bow. Naruto grins.

"Hey Granny," He says grinning at her.

"Don't call me that Naruto," She says crossing her arms. "Was your mission a success?"

"Yes, Tsunade-sama," Sakura says nodding. "We also found out something you might find interesting,"

"Explain," She says steepling her fingers with a small nod.

"The Akatsuki has a girl with them, taken prisoner we assume," The pink haired ninja says looking proud about finding something out.

"She's probably insane though," Naruto grumbles pouting a little. "When we tried to take her back with us, she freaked out and melted through the floor,"

"Melted?" Tsunade asks raising her eyebrows slightly.

"Yeah! It was really cool!" He says grinning. Talk about a mood swing… "She just melted through the floor like magic! She didn't have a hitai-ate though…"

"That means she probably isn't a ninja." Tsunade says biting her fingernail.

"Then why would she be with the Akatsuki?" Sakura asks with a slight frown. The room is totally silent for a while. It's almost awkward as Naruto scratches his elbow and coughs.

"Maybe she knows some new amazing better than anything jutsu!" The blond boy says punching the air excitedly.

"That would make sense, them kidnapping her so they'd have another member to get towards their goal," Tsunade agrees and Sakura gasps, putting her hand over her mouth.

"What if they were using her for…other reasons? She did look a little beaten up," She says behind her hand, eyes wide.

"Yeah but she was a fatty!" _SLAP!_

"NARUTO YOU MORON!" The pink haired girl yells continuing to hit him, harder each time. "You never call a girl that! Ever! YOU B*STARD I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AS SOON AS WE GET OUT OF HERE!" She looks over, realizing her Hokage was still there. Three dots are over the blond woman's head. She sighs and takes a sip of her sake.

"No blood stains on my carpet, okay?"

**I apologize for the shortness but I wanted to get the chapter out to make sure you guys knew I was still alive. XP Promise the next will be longer!**


	12. Chapter 12

Stupid Geniuses Ch 12

***hangs head* I feel horrible for not updating sooner! It's been hectic, especially seeing as school started up. And I'm getting sick. *twirls fingers* All fun and games in the life of Angel**

**Konan-Akatsuki: :D You have no idea how much that means to me!**

**Chibi Angel of the Uchiha: ~w~ That's my job so I'm glad I'm doing it well! Vanilla…stuff? *tilts head to the side* not sure I want to know…**

**Smile-chan: XD I was wondering where your review was! She's really stupid *laughing* She once tried to drown Kisame! Aww, thank you. I personally think that some of these chapters are the worst but it's reviews like Smile-chan's that keep me writing!**

**Deidara-kunisMine: **

**Deidara: *huge eyes as he starts running***

**Angel: *gets trampled by fangirls* x_x**

**gar-a-ash: As long as she has her sake she's a pretty happy woman! Aww, so you don't just love me for my stories? XD**

**Scatter Inner Sakura: YAY! Ha-ha thanks, I usual write this when I'm tired so it turns out at least a little funny… *hugs back* 8D**

**Usagi323: Naruto is STUUUUUPID! XD ^^ I'm updating now~**

**S1SKA: Aww thank you~ *eye sparklies* **

**Maiumaora: Ha~ I'm glad you like it! It's my job to make people smile. Oh noes! I've infected you with the XD sickness!**

**Thanks to Sarcastic Tofu for the AUTHOR alert and favorite *holy God!*, Wanderer of Souls and Light for the favorite story, nami98 for the alert, Scatter Inner Sakura for the favorite story and AUTHOR *omg*, and S1SKA for the alert and favorite! ^^ *out of breath***

"Can we stop please?" I turn to see Tobi slumped over a log. "Tobi is a tired boy…"

"We've only been traveling for three hours, un!" Deidara sounds mad as he skids to a stop. "You should be able to do at least six without stopping, yeah,"

"Tobi is a good boy, but Tobi is tired," The self-proclaimed good boy holds up a white hanky, waving it around in surrender.

"I agree with Tobi," I mumble taking a sip from my canteen. Hydration is important! "It's hot, Deidara~," He snatches the canteen from my lips and takes a few gulps, the water running down his face greedily.

"Fine, un," He mumbles walking a few feet before sitting down under a tree. He chucks the canteen at my head while it's turned, making me go down face first.

"B*STARD!" I screech into the dirt, making it sound more like "BUS-TURD!" Tobi flutters over and scoops his arms under my forearms, pulling me to my feet. The canteen is next to me, the last of our water seeping into the dirt. My eye twitches. "You couldn't even screw the cap on?" My back is turned to him and my shoulders are hunched. There's a gloom cloud hanging over my head.

"Nope, yeah," He says with a cheeky grin.

"I'm going to get more water." I grumble standing up so that the back of my head hits Tobi's chin, making his teeth click together.

"Tobi wants to go!" He wails running after me as I start walking towards the creek we saw not long ago.

…line…line…line…line…

"Hey did you hear something?" I lift my head, pulling the canteen out of the water.

"Tobi heard something too!" He says bouncing into the water and promptly falling on his face. I sigh, dragging the masked ninja out of the water and looking right into the face of the enemy.

Blinking twice, I do a double take…then a triple take.

"The hell…?"

"U-Um…" A navy-haired girl with huge lavender eyes looks down as she pushes her fingers together. She's got a headband with a tipped-over snail on it. She's from the village of Know-ah-ha or something. I wasn't really listening when Kakuzu explained the villages and their names. There was pocky to be eaten so you can't blame me!

"Hi," I say waving and looking like a total idiot.

"Nicetomeetyou!" She squeaks and flings her head at the ground in a bow. I blink twice before bowing a little as well.

"Nice to meet you too… Uh… Know-ah-ha ninja chick…"

"K-" She looks away, blushing.

"Huh?" I look at her oddly.

"Konoha," She says looking slightly embarrassed. "I'm a Konoha kunoichi,"

"Um, yay?" I grin stupidly. "Try to say Konoha kunochi ten times fast!"

"Tobi can't," He mumbles, hanging his head. He obviously had been trying while the girl and I were talking.

"What's your name, shy girl?" I ask looking at her. She looks like she's about to cry.

"H-Hinata," She says looking terrified of me but when she looks over at Tobi her eyes fill with tears. "A-"

"Wahh!" Tobi throws himself at her and cries into her shoulder. "Tobi is sorry! Tobi is a bad boy for making Hinata-chan cry!" She looks surprised but pats him on the back gently.

"I-It's okay… Y-You didn't mean to,"

…line…line…line…line…

It's almost an hour later when I find myself sitting under a tree across from Tobi, who has Hinata firmly in his lap. The poor girl is tomato red and she looks like she's about to pass out or cry at any second now.

"So…" I say coughing a little awkwardly. "What now?"

"Tobi says Hinata-chan should come back with to the Akatsuki!"

"No f*cking way, yeah," We all jump and turn around to see Deidara with his arms crossed.

"Aww, why not Senpai~?" Tobi says bouncing up and dragging the kunochi with him. She looks absolutely terrified at the sight of the blond artist.

"We've already got enough trouble on our hands with Kumori, un," He waves an arm at me and I plant my hands on my hips, glaring.

"I hate you."

"Love you too, yeah. Tobi put the girl down. Leader-sama wants us to get our a$$es into gear and get the mission finished, un. People don't usually kill themselves ya know,"

"Well they do if that's their job," I point out and he gives me a dark glare that makes me shudder a little.

"Mission. Now, yeah." He says and turns on his heel sharply, walking in the direction he came.

"WRONG WAY STUPID!" I yell, cupping my hands around my mouth.

"F*CK YOU UN!"


	13. Chapter 13

Stupid Geniuses Ch 14

**Wow I've been busy lately… _ Drama, boys, choir, ect. XP I do have lots of ideas though! YAY FOR IDEAS!**

**Deidara-kunisMine:**

**Deidara: Ohhh shit, un! *runs***

**Maiumaora: I'm really glad I can still make funny lines XD You know what else is TEH AWESOMESAUCE?! You :3**

**Smile-chan: Yeah… Tobi isn't a good boy when it comes to listening… Hinata? Oh, that's my reason and my reason alone 3 You can't know yet. XD I'm proud of you! YAY FOR HAPPY!!**

**Scatter Inner Sakura: Wouldn't they? I always thought they'd be really cute 3**

**S1SKA: Yeah XD It's her job to annoy the crap out of Deidara. Thank you so much!  
emoDeidara13: :O I would be so excited to read that!**

**Sarcastic Tofu: I would love to see that :3**

**Chibi Angel of the Uchiha: Oh XD It's been a long couple of weeks…  
gar-a-ash: Not at all. They fight like cats and dogs!**

**Konan-Akatsuki: I might bring her in for a while, I might not ^^"**

**Akatsukifan: :O It has been forever, hasn't it? XD Ouch, college? :P I hope you do well but thank you for your review!**

**Thanks to Fanfiction Lover1 for the favorite, XxRainbow-DarknessxX for the alert, emoDeidara13 for the author alert, favorite, and alert, angel47girl for the favorite author and story, snow642 for the favorite, and Safii-chan for the author alert, Ammie-may for the later and favorite, and dreaded redhead sand-ninja for the alert and favorite!**

"You're saying you were held captive by the Konoha ninja, Hinata?" Tsunade looks infuriated by that, her pupils flaming with the idea that the most innocent of all the Hyuuga family could be taken captive by such scum.

"Uh-huh," Hinata pushes her fingers together, looking down at them. The pure hatred in her Hokage's voice terrifies her even more than the initial shock of being kidnapped…kinda. Well, in hindsight, it wasn't really kidnapping, more as hanging out with them for a couple of hours. Yeah, that's probably a good way to say it. Hanging out. Yeah… When Hinata realized that Tsunade was still talking…err… ranting, she tuned back in.

"…Scum! They're cold hearted, heartless, cold blooded, killer monsters with a lust for blood! They don't feel anything, they can handle anything."

…line…line…line…line…

"Deidar-uuuuuuuuuuh," I whine, slumping into him. "I'm freeeezing~" He shoves me off and grunts.

"We're all cold so shut up, yeah," He says glaring a little at me.

"Tobi's a cold boy," He says shivering like a little penguin. I squeal quietly to myself at how cute he is before wrapping my arms around him.

"Here Tobi, our combined body heat will keep us warm," He gives a happy noise and hugs me back.

"Tobi loves hugs!" He says glomping me. I give a quite "ack!" and fall over into the snow. Deidara laughs at me and Tobi laughs on me. He's seriously on top of me as he laughs. I glare up at him and he "meep!"s before scampering off.

I sigh and get up, brushing the snow off and trying not to shiver even more.

"You guys are heartless," I grumble under my breath and Tobi looks at me. I deadpan when I see the tears streaming down from his one eyehole.

"TOBI IS NOT A HEARTLESS!" He wails collapsing into a puddle.

"Heh…heartless…" My eyes glaze over in happiness as I remember Kingdom Hearts. "I miss my little Heartless…"

"Your what, un?" Deidara almost looks interested. Almost. He's too busy looking 'cool' to actually show interest. Feh, guys. I wave him off, not feeling like explaining the entire Kingdom Hearts story to him in the span of the rest of the time we're stuck together. It's bad enough that I'm trudging through the snow in freezing weather. Kumori is _not_ a happy person when it comes to cold. Deidara and Tobi look fine now and, when squinting reeeeeeeally hard, I can tell they're using chakra to keep themselves warm.

Those bastards.

…line…line…line…line…

Later, once we've settled down for the night in a fairly roomy cave, I find myself sitting near the fire with my arms around my legs, my chin resting on my knees. Tobi's curled up into a little ball in the dark corner and Deidara's at the mouth, dozing as he keeps watch.

I pull a stick out of the fire with my free hand and prod the fire a couple of times to coax up a few flames. Tobi mumbles something that sounds like "Oh that's nice…" and lets out a sigh of happiness. I sigh myself, shivering and missing my job. And microwave popcorn.

_I miss it too~_ Inner Kumori wails throwing herself down on a picture. She's drawn a grave with "RIP MICROWAVE POPCORN" written on it in giant block letters. She skips around and throws flowers onto it before twirling and collapsing. _Entertain me._

_Bite me._

She opens her huge mouth to respond but then there's a breeze and Deidara and Tobi are crouched by the door in defensive positions.

"Wha-?" Deidara shushes me with one finger, glaring death. I hear the thump of footsteps and automatically scurry back into the back of the cave to preserve myself. I'm not a fighter, I'm a fleer.

There's the rumble of a low voice and a higher pitched one follows it, I can almost make out what they're saying. It sounds almost familiar. Deidara relaxes after a couple of seconds but I can tell from the way the vein in his neck is tensed and pulsing he doesn't trust whatever's coming for us. A bead of sweat runs down my temple and down my neck but I resist the urge to wipe it away.

This isn't good.

"KISAME-SAN! ITACHI-SAN!" Tobi yells jovially and runs down to greet them. Kisame gives a booming laugh and ruffles Tobi's hair like a favorite uncle would to his nephew.

"Yo," He greets with a small smirk to Deidara who grunts in return, crossing his arms. Itachi doesn't acknowledge us of course. I get up and walk to the mouth of the cave to Deidara, who stops me with a look.

"Something isn't right, yeah," He says under his breath, so much so I have to strain to hear him. But I know from the way he's looking at me out of the corner of his eye, it's meant for me. I nod slightly, pushing up my glasses. He stretches but I feel something brush past my shoulder blades and tense, noticeably I regret to say.

Itachi's eyes meet mine and narrow a little but I grin stupidly. "I think there's bats in here!" I yell cupping my hands around my mouth so he can hear me. Itachi doesn't say anything but brushes past me as Kisame and Tobi walk up behind him, going on either side of Deidara and me. They settle by the fire and Tobi listens intently as Kisame recounts the latest battle he's been through, which looks recent because of all the blood on Samehada.

"Kumori-chan, un," The blond says and walks out of the cave. The message is clear that he wants me to follow him. So I do. He walks ahead of me for a ways before slowing down so that he can match my pace a little better.

"?" I give him a look that says "don't hurt me I don't know anything" as he turns to face me.

"Something's up with them, yeah," He says leaning against a tree, his arms crossed against his chest again. I notice his hands are drooling.

"What do you mean?" I ask shivering a little. The moonlight shines down on us dramatically.

"I mean, there's something odd about them, un," Deidara says looking like I'm the idiot here.

"Uh…" I deadpan, not really knowing what to say about that. "Maybe it had to do with all the whispering that was going on at that last meeting."

He nods. It's true, I had been spying a little… I just happened to be walking past when I heard whispers from inside the "Real Members Only" meeting room. Of course me and Tobi were the only ones left out.

"We're being hunted more, un," Deidara says and I know what he's about to say must never leave my lips again. Even under pain of death. Well fuck. "They want the rebellious ones to die, yeah." It takes everything I have not to cover my ears and start singing the song that never ends just to block out the hell I know is coming. "Leader-sama has talked about us going our separate ways in small groups in order to make sure our hideout isn't found, like it was when I killed that Suna brat, un," I nod to show I'm listening. It's one of Deidara's favorite and least favorite moments. He killed the Kazekage but he also lost one of the dearest people in the world because of a mistake. He makes sure not to show it around the guys but I can tell from the misty look in his eyes that he really enjoyed arguing with Sasori-san.

"Leader-sama said that he'd make sure to send out the signal when we were to break and when we were to meet, so they shouldn't be here, yeah. Unless something's really wrong." The wind blows my hair over my eyes and I push up my glasses again, knowing deep down that there is something wrong. Something that'll change us.

I don't like the feeling my stomach is giving me and I'm betting it's not that rancid dango Tobi forced me to try.

Well fuck.


	14. Stupid Geniuses

Stupid Geniuses Ch 14

**Oh AP classes… How I hate you so. Then it's the evil Plot Bunny that sneaks up and steals any plot I even thought I might have. *twirls finger* Yay.**

**I currently am mulling over three new fanfics, a Pein/Saku, Kisa/Saku, and a Dei/Hina. Very good, no? Just thought I'd let you know that I'm not totally useless like Kumori! *ducks flying obvjects***

**XSweetXSourXSoulX: Ha-ha, you'll have to wait and see, won't you?**

**Scatter Inner Sakura: Yeah… I know… :( I'll be doing my best to make this one longer XD**

**gar-a-ash: I totally get the lazy thing, hun. XD I like that idea…~ Might have to use that!**

**Smile-chan: Awww, not my Smile-chan! :( Soon you will learn all the answers you require! And I think that might have been a typo… Well you did write a new story, and that made me happy! :D**

**Deidara-kunisMine: O_O I think they're now scared of you…**

**TheEnchantingNinjaPenguin: XD Thanks! That really made me smile :3**

**Believing in tomorrow: WOOHOO! :D I'm really happy you got one so I can keep track of you now~ 3 Thanks so much hun!**

**Usagi323: Aww, thank you! :D**

**IceCrystal7: Aww, well if you say so, I love that! :D**

**Thanks to ErinRocks122 for the favorite, Suck Neck for the favorite, Bleeding Crimson for the author alert, TheEnchantingNinjaPenguin for the favorite author and story, Ai-chan-aka-madara's-luv for the favorite author, Believing in tomorrow for the alert and favorite, BloodyDragoon for the alert, IceCrystal7 for the favorite, alert, favorite author, and author alert, and HereAndGone for the favorite!**

I hate being on the run. It's been a week since Itachi and Kisame joined us but it feels like a lifetime. But, I must say, I've learned a lot.

Like:

Itachi has a drinking problem.

Kisame is allergic to bananas.

Tobi sneezes whenever you say melons.

Deidara has dirty dreams.

Itachi likes sweets. A lot.

Kisame cries when he sees dead animals on the side of the road.

Tobi tells the best scary stories.

Deidara has gone cliff-diving fourteen times.

Kisame knows all the gossip about everyone in the Akatsuki.

I must say, it's been a really fun week besides the whole running for our lives thing.

"Melons," We're also made a bet to see if Tobi ever stops sneezing when you say 'melons.' Four hundred and fifty-seven sneezes later and he hasn't stopped.

_Ah… CHEE!_

Make that fifty-eight. Kisame grins and holds his hand out to Deidara, who grumbles and pulls a wad of bills out of his pocket, shoving it into his hand with what looks like an unmistakable pout.

"So…" I say crossing my arms across my flab, kicking a dirt clod across the ground in front of us. "What are we doing?" The four guys I'm with stop suddenly and I slam into Tobi's back, my nose groaning under the contact. I've already broken it twice on this trip. No, wait… three times. Yep… Fun times here.

They all exchange looks as if saying "I thought you knew" with their eyes and I slump against a tree, grabbing my head in my hands.

"You mean we've been wandering around this hell hole of a forest for over a week with no real place to go?!" Kisame plops down beside me and Tobi rests his head on my shoulder, a sleeping/resting arrangement we long ago made up. Deidara and Itachi usually sit across from us, facing outward. I'm the stupid one but they need to keep me safe for some reason. I don't really understand it but whatever.

…

…

…

Insert a mental shrug here.

Kisame yawns loudly and stretches, Samehada flailing around in the air carelessly, as if it's light. I tried to pick it up once when nobody was looking. That's how I broke my nose the second time. One of the spikes kinda…went through my nose. It hurt. A helluva lot.

I yawn and Tobi snuggles into me a little, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"'Mori-chan?" Tobi asks, sounding a lot like a little kid.

"Mmm?" I yawn again, slumping against Kisame's muscled arm.

"Tobi wants to be your partner," He says sleepily. I look to Kisame, who shrugs and crosses his arms.

"We'll consult with Leader-sama," The demon shark says carelessly, shooting a disapproving look at Itachi, who's opened up a bottle of sake. "He's gotten so much worse since he saw his brother…" He adds under his breath and I almost blush at the concern tainting it.

I know Kisame's not gay. He mentioned something about a wife before. I glance down to see his ring finger has neither wedding band nor any sign of one being there.

Motion catches my eye and I see Deidara rubbing his arms against the cold. Wordlessly, without even looking at him, Itachi uses a small fire jutsu on the wood we'd gathered earlier. The blond's head slowly moves down, then up. A thank you. Itachi doesn't show if he's noticed it or not, but reclines back, his eyes sliding shut over his Sharingan. Believe it or not, everyone in the Akatsuki is pretty close. A family, as I see it.

See, Leader-sama is the dad and Konan-san is the mom, though I've never met either of them, that's how I see it. Zetsu is the creepy uncle nobody talks about. Kakuzu and Hidan are the feuding twin brothers, though they get along when nobody's looking. Kisame's the oldest brother, keeping an eye on the younger three. Deidara's the middle child, not really sure what to do with himself so I guess he's the troublemaker too. Itachi's the prodigy, of course. Tobi's the youngest, the comedy of the group. He's the baby.

I haven't thought of where I am in the group. No point, really. I'm just here until they get bored and kill me.

"You never told us why you came to us, yeah," Deidara says without opening his eyes as Tobi's breath evens. He would just freak out if he knew the truth, I guess.

"You never asked," Itachi says coolly, his eyes slowly sliding to the half-way position on his eyes. I can see one comma and the other two kind of.

"Are now, un," He grunts opening his good eye.

"Leader-sama is dead," Kisame's words hit me like a ton of bricks. My eyes widen and I sit up so fast my glasses fly off into the dirt, almost into the fire. That would have been really bad. "So is Konan-san." Deidara's jaw sets and I can see the pain in his eye. He told me that he respected both of them as ninja very much. They weren't as ruthless as people made them out to be, he insisted. He looks down and I can see both of his lips disappear into his mouth as Itachi takes another drink of sake, this one longer and deeper.

Twin streams run down either of his cheeks and he puts the bottle in the dirt, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

"How…?" I find myself asking dubiously, unable to believe someone so cautiously talked about is dead.

"The Kyuubi brat and his friends killed him," Kisame says looking down, his eyes turned downwards in respect for his fallen comrade. "We were there,"

Itachi's eyes close again as he drains the rest of his bottle, though it was more than half-full. He's going to have a major hangover in the morning but I know that wants the pain. Emo as it sounds, that's his reminder that he's still alive, I think. He seems to crave pain.

"What are we going to do now?" I ask softly, rubbing my arms and feeling my heart sink. They're going to kill me now that their leader isn't here to keep me safe.

"We're going to find the others, see if they're alive," Kisame says quietly as Itachi settles again, knowing this conversation is close to a close. "Try to keep us all alive, I guess,"

"Are you going to kill me?" I look up at him and I can see his eyes softening in the slightest way. Which is really weird.

"No. I think we're going to need you alive."


	15. Chapter 15

Stupid Geniuses Ch 15

**Yeah, I'm on a writing spree for this while the inspiration lasts! :D Enjoy it while you can~**

**Deidara-KunisMine: *is dead and can't update***

**Smile-chan: I really hated to kill them off but I kind of had to… You'll see why later. D That **** is the ice cream of happiness. He tells you to be happy. So be happy!**

**'Kixa'-'Kisa'-'Otaku'-: Thank you so much! :D**

**XSweetXSourXSoulX: I hated writing that but I kinda had to…**

**Scatter Inner Sakura: XD Your responses to that really made me giggle. It was a very good giggle. Thank you~**

**S1SKA: You'll have to do that reading thing to figure out!**

**Usagi323: …I pulled off OOC? o_o I never thought I was gonna be able to do it! :D That means a lot to me~ Thank you~**

**Believing in tomorrow: 3 I'm really happy you feel that way~ It makes me happy~ AND HAPPY IS A GOOD THING!**

**Thanks to XxblackrosesxX13 for the alert, Simple Chronometrophobic Girl for the author alert (omg), Charapop for the alert and favorite, Jessigato for the alert, ScarletCamellia for the author favorite, Wooden Sky for the favorite, 'Kixa'-'Kisa'-'Otaku'- for the author alert (omg), favorite, and alert, xxxdarkxlonleyxloverxxx for the alert, and Believing in tomorrow for the favorite author *omg!*, Sabaku no Crescent for the alert and favorite!**

The next morning I wake up to find myself self wedged between Kisame's chest and Tobi's rear. Tobi's face is firmly planted into my butt. I think it's fair now.

I yawn and instantly Tobi and Kisame are upright as if an alarm had gone off in their ears.

"What?" I ask, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "I just yawned…"

"There's someone coming,"

"Plural, un," Deidara says, his hand mouth already starting to chew on some clay. I frown, focusing hard.

"I can't feel their chakra signature."

"That's why we're worried. Even civilians have chakra signatures," Itachi says, his eyes dark. The Sharingan is swirling inside of it; I can see that he's none too happy.

We all tense up as the presence gets closer. Kisame has a firm grip on Samehada, Itachi's stance is stiff, Deidara already is making some bird bombs, and even Tobi looks like he's nervous. A twig snaps from the direction behind us and we all jump, except Itachi. But I think he flinched.

We all feel the presence coming closer. I feel my breath hitching as Itachi takes a step in front of me, between me and the thing coming towards us.

"Huh?" I squeak out, not used to him being so…human.

"If things go wrong," He says so quietly that I'm not sure I'm hearing him right. "Stay behind me." Nodding, I slink back so that he totally stands in front of me. One hand is behind him, as if to keep me at bay.

It's almost on top of us now…

AND IT COMES AT US!

"That was disappointing, yeah," Deidara says with a slight deadpan.

"Missed you too, ya pussy," Hidan sneers.

Indeed, it was pretty disappointing, though Itachi is still in front of me. Hidan came out of the brush, not looking too happy.

"Here's your cat," Kakuzu says tossing a snarling white bundle at me over Itachi's head. I reach up and catch Byakko, who's…small again.

"Great," I say tossing her onto the ground as she viciously attacks my ankles. This gets me to shriek and start climbing Itachi like a tree. He stands stiffly, but turns his gaze to Byakko. She freezes and is twitching on the ground within a couple seconds. "WHAT DID YOU DO?!" I shriek picking up the cat, which is barely conscious enough to growl at me.

"She needs to learn some manners," He says aloofly, not even looking at me as he walks over to Kakuzu, the both of them having their head bent in conversation almost instantly. I sigh, tilting my head up to the sun.

It feels really good, I have to admit. I found the only little ray of sun in the entire forest.

Little happinesses here, people.

I don't have a house, a job, a steady means of income, or woman things.

I live with a bunch of men.

I DESERVE this little ray of sunshine, dammit.

"Heads up, Kumori-chan yeah!"

BOOM!

I squeal and duck, covering the back of my neck. Deidara cackles happily and Tobi claps, fussing over how amazing that bomb was. The trees sway and I can't see much sun anymore.

So much for my little ray of sunshine…

…line…line…line…line…

_Third Person POV_

Tsunade isn't a happy woman when she's at work. Who would be? Being Hokage isn't as easy at it sounds. There's just so much damn paperwork…

"Shizune, I'm taking a break." The blond says with one hand raised as she leaves Shizune squawking about how she shouldn't be taking a break since she just got back from one.

She really doesn't care.

It's a pretty day in Konoha, thankfully. The sun is shining and birds are flying around in the mid-spring breeze. It's really a perfect day.

"HEY GRANDMA!" Tsunade's eye twitches a little and her shoulders slump. There goes her perfect walk…

"What is it, Naruto?" She asks turning around slowly.

"I need a mission," He says crossing his arms and squinting at her.

"Why?" She asks sounding tired.

"Those Akatsuki bastards kidnapped Hinata-chan!" Naruto says punching the air dramatically. "They need to be punished!"

"I've already got a team of ANBU trailing them, Naruto," He falters a little but pouts and crosses his arms again.

"I want to help out. That girl with them has to be in danger of some sorts!" He tries again triumphantly.

"That's why we have the ANBU going after her," Tsunade doesn't stop walking. There she spies the ramen shop. Ooo… some ramen would taste really good right now…

"Grand-maaaaaaa," Naruto whines, making the older woman's eye twitch in irritation.

"Shut up and I'll treat," She says.

Naruto shuts up fast.

…line…line…line…line…

"Everyone clear with the plan?" The fox faced ANBU asks to the other four in her group. Monkey, Cat, Wolf, and Panda all nod. "Repeat it back,"

"We attack one at a time, each taking one as many members as possible, and we get the girl with as little harm done to her as possible."

"Alright, we attack when they come past our location,"

…line…line…line…line…

_Kumori's POV_

I stretch my arms out and yawn, tears forming at the corners of my eyes from the strength of my yawn. Then promptly sneeze.

_Someone must be talkin' about you…_ Inner Kumori says and I doink myself on the side of the head a couple of times.

_Shut up, you._ I think lazily, yawning again. "Are we gonna bunk for the night soon?" I feel a sharp yank right around my navel and make this really stupid-sounding "urk!" noise.

"Shut the fuck up," Kakuzu hisses darkly into my ear and I clamp my mouth and eyes shut quickly.

Inner Kumori is having a free day, running in circles screaming.

Cracking one eye open slowly, I see that Kakuzu's taken me into a pricker bush. Wow. That's smart. He shoots me a dark look as his tentacles slither around my body, getting a better grip on me. I can't help but feel like a mouse I once saw a snake eating at the zoo. It strangled the helpless thing and then ate it. Oh so slowly. That was Ryuu's idea of a "good field trip." His babysitting skills aren't exactly "good."

Ryuu… Tears almost form in my eyes but I force them down.

NOW IS NOT THE TIME DAMMIT!

Kakuzu's tentacles tighten slightly and I slide my eyes sneakily over to the corners of my eye sockets. There's a muscle in his jaw and it's twitching a little. He's really tensed. Hmm… That's not normal for him…

I almost scream when I see Byakko jump down and start snarling at the masked ninja people. One takes a bite to the neck and another stabs Byakko and she starts bleeding. I put a hand over my mouth and watch in mute horror as she goes down hard. Kakuzu's tentacles tighten around me and he turns to me.

"Stay silent," He warns with a death glare in my direction. I stiffly nod, not wanting to upset the scary man.


	16. Chapter 16

Stupid Geniuses Ch 16

***sheepish wave* Hey readers… I know I should be working on my other stories but *pulling on hair* I really wanna get this done with! GRAWR! ^^" I have no idea exactly how many chapters there are gonna be left… I'm flaky as hell… ._. So…uh…yep. Sorry. XD**

One of Kakuzu's tentacles slithers out and reaches for Byakko, who has been kicked to the side in the midst of the battle. Kisame barfs water to give himself the advantage he needs while Hidan jumps down, knocking a masked ninja in the head. I wince a little when I hear the bone crunching sound it makes. Kakuzu forces me to look away, seeing I'm green. In an almost tender motion, he set's Byakko's limp body under some twisted roots. I hold my breath for a second before I see her chest rise and fall slightly.

"Get down." He hisses and shoves me down where my cat is. I give a quiet yelp of surprise and he glares at me, "Stay quiet." I crawl back into a little indent in the roots, making myself as small as possible.

"Pst! Kumori-chan!" I turn and see Tobi beckoning me. "Over here!" I hesitate for a second but grab Byakko and push her into a little more protected place. I get on my hands and knees and crawl over to Tobi. He dusts me off and takes my hand, tugging me away. "Kumori-chan needs to get out of here! Kumori-chan is not a ninja,"

"Where am I supposed to go?" I ask, my voice rising in my panic. "I-I don't know my way around here!"

"Tobi doesn't know, but Tobi knows Kumori-chan needs to get out of here, fast," As if to emphasize his words, the ground shakes with an explosion. "Go, Kumori-chan!" He pushes me towards the forest and I start running as fast as I can.

The world blurs past me and my eyes water from how fast I'm attempting to go. My glasses go crooked and I trip, falling onto my stomach. Just like in those stupid horror movies, I feel something in my ankle twinge and snap. Biting my lip to keep in a yelp of pain, I curse myself for being so stereotypical.

Hands go under my arms and I scream, running on air. "LEMME GO!"

"I'm going to strangle you if you don't shut the hell up, yeah." Deidara grumbles and sets me on my feet. I look down and whimper, seeing my big toe very much out of place. At least I didn't break my ankle… I frown and look over at him.

"You sound weird, Dei." I mumble, reaching down and biting my lip hard as I reset my toe. "Ow…"

"Inhaled a lot of smoke, un," He says coughing a couple of times. I frown, not really caring but still.

"Are we going to get out of here?" I ask softly, gingerly putting some weight on my foot. It hurts like a mofo. Yeah, looks like I'm hopping.

"Yeah, yeah," Deidara says and starts walking towards the way where I was going.

"Why don't you make a bird or something?" I glare slightly.

"Out of clay, un," He says sounding almost defensive. I open my mouth to say more but there's a sharp pain to the back of my neck and my world goes white, then dark.

…line…line…line…line…

[i]_Third Person POV_[/i]

"Where's Kumori-chan, yeah?!" Deidara yells when the ANBU suddenly back off. Everything seems to freeze for a second as the group looks around, but the blackette is nowhere in sight.

Adrenaline is still pumping strongly in Kakuzu's veins from all of his hearts as he sends his threads to pull him up to the treetops. He lands softly on one of the branches and narrows his eyes as he concentrates hard. Anger surges through him and he jumps back down, not bothering to conceal his landing this time.

"No sign of her anywhere," He growls, already calculating how much it would cost to get new clothes and such. Too much.

Kisame crushes a rock in his hand, his hair covering his eyes. "We've got to get her back."

"Why bother?" Kakuzu grumbles, shaking his head slowly. "The girl's not worth it. She may be useful, but not worth getting caught and killed." Kisame grabs the front of his shirt and pulls him close to him angrily.

"You have no idea what you're talking about! She's just a kid!" He yells, getting in Kakuzu's face.

"She's in her twenties, she's no more a kid than Deidara is," The older man says in a calm tone that makes Kisame even madder.

"You have no idea about her!" The demon shark shoves Kakuzu back so hard he crashes through a tree trunk. Kakuzu growls and shoots threads out Kisame, heading straight for his throat with the intent to choke him. Hidan throws his scythe out and blocks the threads, glaring stonily at the two men.

"Assholes better cut it out," He says swinging the scythe back onto his back, securing it in place with a few dots of chakra. "We're going to get the bitch back,"

"Tobi will hurt whoever took 'Mori-chan from Tobi," The self-proclaimed "good boy" says clenching a fist dramatically. "Tobi promised Tobi would protect 'Mori-chan,"

**Yep. Short. But I thought I'd throw out a new update because these chapters are taking me so freakin' long -.-' Reviews make me write faster!**


	17. Chapter 17

Stupid Geniuses Ch 17

**Gonna try not to drabble with Author's Notes, I don't have anything interesting to say XD BUT! I do need you guys to start voting on a pairing. I'll put a poll up on my page. VOTE!**

_Third Person POV_

"Status report," Tsunade says as the five ANBU stand in front of her at attention. Panda steps forward and bows to the Hokage before stepping back.

"We got the girl, as ordered, Hokage-sama. She was pretty heavily protected by the Akatsuki. We assumed she was dangerous as a precaution and rendered her unconscious before putting her in the capable hands of our best interrogation squad."

"Has she woken up yet?" Tsunade steeples her fingers and rests her chin in the space between her thumbs and index fingers.

"Negative."

"What is the team going to try and get from her? She could just be a decoy." She says into her hand, looking thoughtful.

"Or she could know everything, we won't have any idea until we pick her brain," Fox says softly, bowing after she finishes talking.

…line…line…line…line…

The fire is warm, cozy almost. The men surrounding it are silent, each engulfed in his own thoughts.

"What are we going to do?" Kisame breaks the silence, his eyes sliding over to his partner, their unofficial leader.

"We need her back." Itachi says prodding the fire gently. "We need a medic."

"Why don't we get someone else?" Hidan yawns, his hands behind his head. He squints one eye at Itachi, the other closed. "That bitch is not worth it at all," Tobi gasps, standing up and slapping a hand over his mouth dramatically.

"Hidan-san! That is not nice! Kumori-chan is a very important part the team and Tobi knows Hidan-san likes Kumori-chan!" Hidan turns dark red and Kisame gets a slightly demented smirk on his face.

"You LIKE Kumori-chan~?" He asks sing-songily. "Like her-like her?"

"No! Shut the hell up!" Hidan says flushing even more. He stomps off and Kisame jumps up, gleefully following him with taunts.

"This is the worst rescue mission ever…un," Deidara sighs, settling down against a tree.

"Here's what we're going to do," Itachi says hushing his voice dramatically.

…line…line…line…line…

"Ibiki," The bald, creepily scarred man turns and looks at to his replacement. "Switch."

"Ah. Pretty easy shift. The girl's still out cold and Tsunade wants us to wait to wake her up," He says, turning to the glassed-in viewing tank the girl the ANBU had brought back was placed in. Takai Kenshori smiles a little and nods, taking a seat at the table with a book of sudoku and a cup of strong tea.

"See ya," Kenshori says and Ibiki waves carelessly. Kenshori, a very tall ANBU with glasses and black corkscrew curls coming off of his head, the longer ones almost hitting his shoulders, settles into the less-than-comfortable chair and sighs. He absently scratches his forehead, lifting the Leaf Village hitai-ate in the process. _Wonder why they've put this girl in the intensive unit._ He thinks, writing a seven in the puzzle he'd started earlier. _She doesn't look like she's ever fought. But maybe that's her goal._ He shrugs and fills out another couple of squares.

…line…line…line…line…

"That doesn't seem like a very good plan," Kakuzu says looking doubtful.

"It will work," Itachi says with a cold calculation to his tone. "This is the safest option we have,"

"Trust him," Kisame says, coming back from his taunting of Hidan. "Itachi-san knows what he's doing," Kakuzu sighs and rolls his eyes back.

"If one of us gets killed on this mission, that'll show the shinobi after us that we are as weak as they want us to be." He says in one of his more gentle growls.

"Like it or not, Kumori-chan is one of us, un," Deidara speaks up for the first time in a while. Every eye goes to him. "She's a necessary part of our group, and we all care for her, yeah. We have got to get her back, safe and sound, un,"

"BUT HIDAN CARES THE MOST!" Kisame pipes up gleefully, ruining the dramatic mood.

"SHUT UP OR I'LL FUCKIN' CASTRATE YOU!"


	18. Chapter 18

Stupid Geniuses Ch 18

My head feels light when I wake up, and the entire world feels kind of fuzzy, like I've been wrapped in bubble wrap and rolled down a hill. Again. Ryuu thought it would be fun to try that out on the biggest hill in our neighborhood. I ended up with a broken arm. He didn't even get in trouble with our parents. I broke his nose "accidentally" later that month with a toy car. I won.

"Grub." A gruff voice says and food splats down in front of me on a metal divided tray. It looks disgusting but my stomach makes sounds like there's an animal drowning inside of me so I grab the plastic spoon and shovel some mystery meat into my mouth. It tastes horrible but the drowning animal sounds inside my stomach calm some so I continue. It doesn't take long to finish and I wipe my face on my sleeve.

Blinking, I look around to see where exactly I am.

In a box.

A glass box, to be precise.

It's dark outside my box. But there's a table pressed upside to one side. And there's a person at the table. Doing a sudoku. He has a tipped over snail headband. I take two steps from the middle of my glass box and press my face to the glass. He doesn't look up. Two steps from the middle of the box in any direction puts me up against the glass. His corkscrew curls cover everything but the tipped over snail and I can faintly see the outline of glasses. He's tapping the end of his pencil to his lips and I scan the sudoku for a second before knocking my knuckle on the glass. He looks up at me, his face blank. I hold up my right hand, tucking in my thumb, holding four fingers up. A smile ghosts across his face and he writes in the four in the square he had been stuck on.

…line…line…line…line…

_Kenshori's POV_

Okay, breathe. Don't freak out. She's awake. OhmyGod she's awake. It's been an entire month of watching her lay there. Twelve hour shifts of watching her lay there. And now, she's up snarfing food down. She's way thinner than before she got here. Guess they induced a coma for a reason… I couldn't tell until she stood but now the clothes she's been laying in hang off of her like bed sheets. She steps towards my table and I look down before she notices me. I glance up through my bangs as she comes closer. She puts her hands to the glass in front of me. I put my pencil eraser to my lips and start tapping gently, trying to make it look like I had been doing this the entire time. She raps her knuckles against the glass and I give her my blankest stare. She holds up four fingers and I try hard not to smile, seeing that she solved my sudoku.

"Takai," Both she and I look up. She instinctively takes a step back away from the glass side. Ibiki is there, a slightly amused smirk on his face. "She's awake? Why didn't you alert someone?"

"I needed help on my sudoku." I say clearing my throat. He chuckles quietly, going to the entrance of the glass box. She freezes up, going instantly pale. I can see why, I did the same thing when I first met him. He's a scary man. He says something to her I can't hear but she nods and returns a few words. They start chatting it up and I try not to intrude, starting on the next number puzzle.

They talk for almost half an hour before the two of them come out. "C'mon, Takai. We're taking her to maximum confinement." I pale a little and look at Kumori. She just looks uncomfortable.

"Maximum confinement, sir? Doesn't that seem like a little much?" Ibiki gives me a strange look, calculating almost.

"What are you saying, Takai?" He asks, his grip on Kumori's shoulder tightening enough to make her wince.

"Why not let me take her?" I say before I can fully realize what I'm saying. "I can keep an eye on her. Sir," I add, trying hard not to make it sound like a second thought. He looks thoughtful then nods, slowly.

"You can take her, Takai. But if you let her loose and she makes it out of the village without you, I can promise you that you'll regret it." He says menacingly.

…line…line…line…line…

_Third Person POV_

"Fresh, fresh fruit!" An elderly lady says waving a pineapple at Kumori and Kenshori as they pass. "Skinny girl needs to bulk up! Give her fresh, fresh fruit!" She's hunched over with a rice farmer's hat over her hair, making her face hard to see. She also whacks Kenshori in the knee by accident from how eager she is to sell her fruit. He grunts in surprise, his hand going to Kumori's shoulder as his knees buckle.

"We're good, Obaa-chan," He grumbles, pausing to rub his knee tenderly.

"A-Ah, here, let me," Kumori drops down and rolls up his pant leg. She gently puts her hand over the bruise. Within a few seconds, it glows a very faint green and Kenshori winces, as the blood recedes.

"Not bad," He says with a small, approving smirk. He flexes his knee a couple times and nods as the two continue. The older woman can hear Kumori saying how she isn't too good at healing yet but she's doing better.

The old woman un-hunches herself and picks up the legs of her cart, moving it onto its wheels. She walks with a slight limp, from age, a passerby would think. Easy enough to believe. The old woman pushes the cart down an alley, back into an abandoned building. She knocks twice on the door, two sharp raps.

"Who is it~?" A voice sings and Deidara straightens, pulling the hat off so that his hair falls out from under it.

"Who the fuck do you think, yeah? Open the damn door, Hidan, un." He growls, shoving the cart against the door.

"Naughty words!" He says gleefully. "What's the password? How do I know you're REALLY Deidara?"

"Rope, yeah." He grunts, glaring at the door.

"Nope~" Hidan snickers.

"What the hell, un?" Deidara bangs the cart against the door again, making Hidan laugh.

"Rope yeah is not the right password." Hidan says innocently.

"Rope." Deidara grits his teeth and pokes a banana through the eye slot, right into the Jashinist's left eye.

"Ow, ass!" He yelps and staggers back as the door opens. Deidara shoves his cart inside and rolls it right over Hidan, who's still shrieking obscenities.

"Report," Itachi says from his place at their table. He would look a lot scarier if he wasn't wearing a pink fuzzy robe they'd swiped off of a clothesline. They weren't able to use jutsu to disguise themselves and going out in general was just a bad idea unless absolutely necessary. So they stole at night.

"I saw her alright, yeah." Deidara sits down next to him, the slightest scraggly beard showing on his chin. Nobody else seems to need to shave. The blond tried shaving at first but doesn't bother now. It just makes him look older, and more worn. Everyone's that way. Dark circles are under everyone's eyes and they're irritable. "She's with an ANBU, un. He's one of the strongest ones in the village. Basing that on the fact that everyone around him was scared stiff by his presence, yeah."

"That's not going to make getting her back easy," Itachi says accepting the tea Tobi offers to him. He's grown quiet now, silent unless asked a direct question. He's pretty much become the opposite of Tobi. "More challenges,"

"Yeah," Deidara says taking tea as well. "Not good, un."

…line…line…line…line…

_Kumori's POV_

"Here we are," The guy, who's introduced himself as Kenshori, says as he opens the door to his apartment. I step inside and almost instantly feel my ankles being scratched to pieces. I look down and see a fuzzy white ball of fur attacking me.

"Byakko?" I gasp and she hisses in response. She looks up at me, her eyes angry as if to say "Where the hell have _you_ been? Hmmm?"

"You know her?" Kenshori asks, scooping a black ball of fuzz up in his arms.

"This…is my cat," I look to him, my eyes sparkling. She scratches me. I drop her and kick at her. "How did you find her?"

"Okami brought her back one day," He says scratching the back of his neck with a sheepish smile. "She kinda stayed here,"

"Thank you so much," I throw my arms around him quickly but pull away when Okami puffs up to twice his normal size. "Oh, god, I'm sorry. I made your cat…" I gesture lamely and he chuckles.

"It's fine," He says with a sort of half-smile. My heart races and I can feel blood rushing to my cheeks.

…line…line…line…line…

_Rawr-arr-arr-oowrr?_

"Shut up tummy," I say glaring down at my belly. Kenshori covers his hand, obviously trying to hide a smile. There's a pencil in one hand and he's working on the sudoku from earlier. "Let's see you not really eat for a month and then tell me how you feel,"

"I'll get you something to eat," He says getting up, tossing the pencil down carelessly.

"Thanks," I say softly, staring down at my hands. Okami is under them. He's purring and rolling onto his back, patting at my face gently. Byakko is standing on her hind legs in the kitchen hissing at us. She's jealous. And has a weird way of showing it.

"Well," Kenshori sticks his hands in his pockets as he walks back towards me. "I'm fresh out of food."

"Huh?" I deadpan and he grins sheepishly.

"I wasn't really expecting a guest and I usually just eat out…" He trails off, giving me that crooked little smile again. "So it looks like we're going to the store,"

I freeze. The last time I went shopping was with the Akatsuki. Back in my home world land thing. My stomach clenches and I stop petting Okami. He looks up and gives me a curious "re-ow?"

"What's wrong?" Kenshori asks, hunkering down so that he's at eyelevel with me.

"I miss my home," I say, my voice shaking. I look up at him, teary-eyed and pathetic. He looks hesitant but puts his hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently. I stifle a sob. He pulls me into him.

"I know," He says softly. I burst into dismal, chest heaving sobs. He pats me on the back, saying soothing words until I calm down a little. "Hey," I look up, sniveling like some idiot in a tragedy. "What was your job back in your other village?" Village? I'm too upset to explain the truth to him.

"I was a librarian," I sniffle, rubbing my nose on the back of my hand.

"A librarian? That's funny." He chuckles pulling away from me, a smile dancing in his eyes.

"What's so funny about it?" I frown, crossing my arms.

"Nothing, it's just so cliché," He tilts his head back, laughing quietly to himself.

"What is?" I say starting to get a little annoyed.

"A beautiful girl being a librarian, it's so cliché," His choclate brown eyes light up and I go dark red.

"You shouldn't say things you don't mean," I manage and he chuckles again.

"What about family? Do you have any family?" He asks sitting down on the couch next to me.

"I have a brother, a sister-in-law, and a nephew." I say pulling my legs up to my chest, effectively pushing Okami away. "Ryuu is seventeen months," He nods quietly, and I thank the heavens he didn't say anything about parents. I know I would have lost it if he asked about them.

"He sounds adorable," Kenshori says seeming to relax a little.


	19. Chapter 19

Stupid Geniuses Ch 19

_Third Person POV_

"Get up," Itachi is standing over the communal room the Akatsuki is sleeping in. Their warehouse is big but, Itachi's logic being that big spaces hold more enemies, they all sleep in one room. Their entire lodging area is in just three rooms. Living space/sleeping area, bathroom, kitchen. It's a little bit cramped at times but they make it work. Barely. "We're going out to scout, find stations, find the girl and where she lives, and get her back." He looks around stonily, daring anyone to say a word. Things are totally silent, and hope rises in everyone's hearts. Kumori, their Kumori, would be coming back. _Grr-owr-rowr._ "We'll get food as well," He says coolly, like it was his plan all along.

Hope seems to wake everyone up a little. They all get up and dressed in a dramatic silence. The group is pretty hungry, but nobody says anything to ruin their dramatic mood. Hidan even hums the mission impossible theme under his breath.

"Alright, let's go," Itachi says, slightly impatient. His hair doesn't even get messed up when he sleeps. He's that awesome. "I'm pairing you off," He says once everyone stumbles out into the sun, squinting as the birds around them start screaming "I'M A BIRD! I'M A BIRD! I'M A BIRD! I'M A BIRD!"

Well, not really. They're just chirping.

"Let's go, make sure nobody notices you," Itachi dramatically puts his rice farmer's hat on. The others sigh a little and follow, making sure they don't really get noticed. If they really didn't want to get noticed, they wouldn't be traveling in such a big group but nobody ever really thinks about that now do they?

The (stupidly large) group walks in the early morning, each move quieted. It's one of those mornings where you feel you have to be quiet or you'll shatter everything. Zetsu had scouted earlier in the week and found out where Kumori was residing. With that ANBU. Tobi's fists clench slightly at the though of the Kumori he had become so close to living in the same house as an ANBU.

Tobi hated ANBU.

And he now had a reason to.

"Lighten up, Tobi, un," Deidara says glancing down to Tobi's tightened fists. "We'll get her back soon," Tobi, instead of having a witty and adorable comeback/answer, only nods stonily.

"Meet in the main map room," Itachi says just softly enough for the other Akatsuki members to hear. He then disappears in a flash, followed by the rest. Zetsu is the first one in the room, of course. He just melted in. Itachi is second and the others follow, with Kakuzu the last one inside. He had to go all the way up to the roof and rappel down the air vents to get into the room.

Itachi's eyes open slowly and he searches around the room for a few moments before he walks over to one of the file-filled cabinets and opens it. His eyes dart from one side to the other as he rifles through a couple, pausing once or twice to regain his composure.

"There are two guards headed this way, they're two hundred meters and closing," He says not taking his eyes off of the files in front of him.

"I've got it," Kisame says starting towards the door but Itachi stops him, raising one hand.

"They're just civilians. Deidara, you know what you have to do." Deidara lets out a loud groan but nods and goes outside the room.

…line…line…line…line…

_Outside the Room_

"Oh, pooh," A leggy blond in a shorter than appropriate mint-green dress and matching ankle-breaking heels says stamping one foot gently as the guards approach her. "I can't find my purse. I left it right here just a couple of seconds ago," Her bottom (perfectly glossed) lip quivers at the idea of her precious Gucci purse being gone. "Could you big…strong men help me find it?" She gives them each a once over before looking up, a shy smile on her lips.

"Ma'am, that's a job for the lost and found, not us," The guard on the right doesn't blink.

_Shit._ Deidara thinks as sweat starts dripping down the back of his neck as the short hem of his dress seems even shorter. The jutsu isn't as strong as he would like and the guys, he realizes after a second, are gay. Yep. Deidara has a gaydar. Don't question it.

Then, almost like magic, Hidan is shoved into the hall by a pair of blue hands. Shirtless. And pant-less.

"Hey! Fuck! No shoving! I'm going! I'm going!" He stumbles out and screeches to a stop in front of Deidara. The guards freeze and look at Hidan. The rising sun casts an almost angelic glow behind him, his silvery hair lighting up in the early morning rays. The two guards both get nosebleeds.

Hidan slowly turns around with a smirk, raising one eyebrow at the two men. He crosses his arms across his (very muscular) chest and cocks one hip at the guys.

"My sister," His lips falter from their smirk for a split second when he says the word but he quickly regains his composure. "lost her purse, you wanna help us find it?"

"O-Of course sir!" They both say, their heels snapping together. "Anything to help out your sister, sir," Hidan chuckles a little and slings his arms over both their shoulders, pulling them in close as they walk off to go find the mysterious purse.

…line…line…line…line…

_Back Inside_

"Hurry up, Uchiha," Kisame growls, his small eyes darting from side to side as Deidara steps back into the room. He glares and transforms back to how he usually looks.

"You guys suck, yeah," He grumbles, rubbing his feet gently. "Next time, Tobi's going to be the girl, un," Tobi says nothing, just reaching across Itachi's chest and pulling the file out. Itachi blinks twice and then turns around, glaring death at anyone who dares look at him.

"We're leaving soon. Deidara, go get Hidan," Itachi says darkly, storming out of the room.

"GOD DAMMIT, YEAH!" Deidara transforms back and stomps out, going to find Hidan. He's sleazing it up with the gay guards. He's leaning up against the wall and the two guards are practically drooling whenever he blinks.

"Um~" Deidara presses one finger underneath his lip and pouts, rotating one foot around in circles. "I kinda forget, but~ I didn't bring a purse~! Hee-hee! Sorry!" He grabs Hidan's wrist and drags him back to the map room, transforms back to his normal self, and jumps out the window. The Jashinist grabs his clothes and pulls them back on as he slinks up through the roof.

"Go to the café next to here," Itachi's voice rings through the mind-link and they all drop lightly, walking in and getting food.

…line…line…line…line…

_Kumori's POV_

"Ooo… This place is so cute!" I squeal, darting into the little café next to the archive. It's very sunny and Kenshori has been raving about the food, so I suggested we go out for breakfast. He laughs and reaches over my head, opening the door, which jingles cheerily as we walk inside. I excitedly get in line, bouncing on the balls of my feet happily. "This smells amazing~" Kenshori laughs, it rumbling in my chest as well.

"It's one of my favorites, I'm sure you'll love it," He says clapping a hand down on my shoulder. The line moves quickly and before I know it I'm up to the counter. Kenshori steps forward, ordering for me since I'm still dazzled by the hugeness of the menu. He rattles off a couple of different things and pays before I can regain my composure.

"This way," He says smiling, smoothly sliding an arm around my shoulders and leading me towards a table in the back corner. My eyes swirl at how silky he is as he sits me down, pouring me a glass of tea and a mug of orange juice.

"Aren't you gonna have any?" I ask taking a sip of the colored juice and reveling in the fact that it's fresh-squeezed.

"I don't drink the stuff," He smiles behind a mug of tea. "My mom always said to drink apple juice because OJ would kill me," He adds seeing my confused look.

"I want to meet her," I say into my glass of juice. He gets misty-eyed and looks at a spot just over my right shoulder.

"Kenshori?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. What do you want to do after this? Maybe I could show you around?" We both fall silent after that, and I know I said something wrong.

Our food comes quickly and my tummy gives a happy urgle. It looks fantastic.

"So," I say after my tummy has stopped threatening to eat itself. "We talked about my past yesterday, what about you?" He takes another bite of crepe to stall a little and drinks a few gulps of tea.

"Well," He says looking me in the eye and I find myself warmed to my core by his gaze. "When I was a kid, I saw my parents killed by a gang of thugs." I gasp quietly, putting a hand over my mouth.

"I'm so sorry," I say quietly and he shrugs it off, waving a hand.

"I got my revenge, I killed a pair of their members and got their bounty," He stabs an egg yolk and it leaks out across the white part. He smiles bitterly, watching it.

…line…line…line…line…

"Thanks for breakfast," I say beaming at Kenshori as we stand up to leave the restaurant.

"No problem," He laughs and slings an arm over my shoulders, kinda just hanging it there but I still feel my face flushing from the contact. We walk out when I suddenly hear a clatter of silverware and a dart of orange going towards the back. I look over to the general direction it came from and freeze up, my eyes going huge. "You okay?" He asks, his lips almost brushing my ear.

"Akatsuki," I say breathlessly, feeling my heart squeezing in my chest. Kenshori's bangs cover his eyes and I can't read the look on his face as he leads me out quickly.

…line…line…line…line…

_Akatsuki POV_

"Let's go," Itachi says quietly. It's dark out, setting a very dramatic mood. The group slips out their window, for the plan they're about to put into motion is too dramatic to use the front door. They get to the side of Kenshori's apartment complex and Itachi turns back. "We'll scale up to the roof, punch in the greenhouse door, and make sure the silent alarm is off. Then-" He cuts off, seeing Tobi already inside Kumori's room, waving with what probably is a huge smile.

When Itachi turns back around the rest of his group is gone. He sighs and disappears in a puff of smoke, reappearing in the room with everyone else.

"This way," He says, taking his role as leader back and leading them out of Kumori's room. The TV is on in the next room and Kumori's quiet snores can be heard.

"Itachi," A voice says darkly, making him turn. "It's been a long time," Kenshori reaches over and turns on the lamp light next to him, but it's a small one so he still has dramatic shadows cast over his face. Itachi freezes, looking a lot like a deer caught in the headlights. Kisame bumps into him and the two fall into a pile, creating a domino affect. So much for ninjas being graceful.

Itachi pulls himself from the dog pile, knowing that he won't be able to salvage his reputation after that.

"If you think you can take Kumori from me, you'd better be ready to fight for her," Kenshori says, looking down at the shorter ninja.

"Tobi will kill Kenshori-san if he tries to keep Tobi from Kumori-chan," Tobi says in a voice so dark that it makes Kakuzu look surprised. He starts towards the taller man but Itachi puts his arm out, hitting him in the chest gently.

"This is my fight, Tobi. Stand down," Tobi gives him a dark look but does back down, looking very resentful.

"It's been a long time, Itachi," Kenshori says again, looking like he wants to kill him.

"Not long enough," Itachi spits, his Sharingan swirling.

Kenshori laughs. "You don't really think you can take her from me, do you?"

"There's 7 of us and 1 of you," The pony-tailed one says snarkily.

"I killed two of you when I was just a little boy, 7 should be easy with my new skill and knowledge," Kenshori snorts

"That's the problem with Konoha. You guys never know when to back down." Itachi smirks slightly and steps forward, bowing down into a swing at Kenshori's legs with his kunai.

Kenshori back-steps and gives Itachi a doubting look.

"Did you really think it would be that easy?" Itachi grunts as he swings his right-hand kunai for his legs, and back-swings with his left. Kenshori has already managed to step just out of the way of the first one as the back-swing cuts a hole in his shirt.

"Whew. That one was a close call. If I only had a weapon..." He trails off as Itachi goes for another swing. Kenshori kicks his wrist in mid-motion and makes him drop his kunai. Kenshori catches it gracefully before it hits the floor. "Aww. How sweet of you! You shouldn't have!" He says with a swing cut off a lock of Itachi's hair, still suspended where he was just moments ago. "No, really. You shouldn't have." Itachi bends down and removes a kunai he had hidden in his boot, his eyes never leaving his opponent.

"You know, that kinda looked like you were bowing down to me. For a second, I thought I wasn't going to have to kill you." Kenshori jokes as he plays with the kunai like a toy. Itachi scans for a moment to make an attack.

He grabs a shuriken hidden in his belt and tosses it backhanded at Kenshori, acting like he was going to brush his hair out of his eye. Kenshori doesn't even so much as blink as he swings the kunai down and hits the shuriken away. "Itachi, you must have learned something new since the last time we danced."

"Kenshori-san, you seen to be as unskilled as the last time we battled," Itachi says, lying through his teeth, though his gaze never wavers. "I'm going to give you one last chance to stand down."

"You know, I guess I should show you some of what I've learned. Here's your artifact back." Kenshori says, tossing the kunai at the floor in front of Itachi. "I much prefer these," Kenshori chuckles as he withdraws two short-swords from hidden scabbards.

Itachi doesn't show the sudden fear behind him. Instead, he grabs his next two shuriken, throwing one for the neck and one for an ankle. Kenshori literally dives through the middle, straight at Itachi's chest, laying the tip of one blade against it as he looks up at his face. "I've decided to be generous. One last chance, do you want to leave?" Ken says, pressing the tip of his sword just enough to cause a small trickle of blood.

…line…line…line…line…

I can't believe you ran, yeah, Itachi..." Deidara chuckles as they settle into camp.

"It was either leave then, or things became really messy."

"We could have messed him up, un."

"You weren't paying attention. He had back-up on the way. I could hear them enter the front door. Are you deaf, Deidara? Blind, too? If he got lucky enough to kill two of us before, who says that a whole team of them can't take 7 of us on their own home turf?" Itachi looks at him harshly and Deidara settles back into a squashy arm-chair.

"You could have let us fight, yeah," He says pouting slightly.


	20. Chapter 20

Stupid Geniuses Ch 20

_Kumori's POV_

I wake with a start, hearing something hit the floor. "Kenshori?" I call softly, sitting up and looking around.

"Right here," He steps out of the shadows, sweaty and with his shirt torn in places. He's bleeding a little, but nothing bad. He sits down on the couch next to me. "Lay back down and go to sleep, everything's okay. I'm not going to let anything hurt you,"

"You're acting weird," I mumble, laying back down. My head hits his lap and he puts a hand on my head, gently rubbing my temple. I close my eyes slowly, and the last thing I see before I drift off into dream-land is Okami and Byakko curled in a yin-yang-esque position, both purring.

…line…line…line…line…

It's been two weeks since that night, Kenshori and I really clicked. We've been hanging out all the time, like before but it's different now. We've kissed. We've made out. We've played Scrabble. He's really sweet; I really love spending time with him. He's amazing, and I think I may love him.

"Breakfast!" I call, sticking my head out of the kitchen and I can hear Kenshori lumbering down from his office. He's always working, but it's perfectly fine with him because of how much he loves his job. He looks sleepy, with his shirt off and his hair awry from sleep. His shirt's off too and I try hard not to stare. His skin's the color of hot chocolate with lots of milk.

"Hey," He mumbles, leaning over and giving me a sleepy good-morning kiss. "Smells yummy,"

"Omelets," I say beaming at him.

"More like nom-lets," He chuckles, sitting down and eating with gusto. I grin to myself, my chin resting on the top of his head. "Let's go to dinner tonight, I have something I want to tell you," I feel my face flush and my heart starts beating faster.

"Okay," I say breathlessly.

…line…line…line…line…

_Akatsuki POV_

"Today's the day," Itachi kicks his fellow Akatsuki members awake. "We're getting Kumori back." That gets the group to get up a little faster, their excitement renewed.

The plan had been decided weeks ago, when their first one failed epically. It is as follows: Itachi is going to distract Kenshori with a fight, and then someone else is going to kidnap Kumori while he's distracted.

Since the last one was complex and ended badly, they thought a simple, fool-proof, very dirty one would be better this time.

Zetsu comes back up through the floor, shaking off some dirt that gathered on his cloak. "They're going out to dinner tonight, if we get them in the street they'll be easy targets," His light side says as the fly-trap part of him opens.

"That's perfect," Itachi says with a slow grin creeping across his face. It's kind of scary.

…line…line…line…line…

_Kumori's POV_

It's raining a little when we start walking to the restaurant. Kenshori told me we were going some place a little nicer so I wore a dress. Yeah, I know. It's weird for me to wear a dress but Kenshori said I looked nice. It made me really happy and giddy like a small child given candy.

"Kumori," He turns when we're walking to the restaurant and takes both of my hands in his. "We've been dating for a while and there's something I really wanted to tell you," His eyes are sparkling.

"Yeah?" I squeeze his hands gently, staring into his eyes.

"I luh-uh-huh," He says romantically. "Heh, uh, sorry, I mean I lur-vah-uhve-you. Dammit, what I'm trying to say is I luh-ah-ve-zee,"

"Excuse me?" I frown slightly, pulling my hands away from him. Kenshori grabs my shoulders and pulls me close.

"Kumori, I love y-" A shuriken flies between our faces and we both jump back, Kenshori pulling his pair of short-swords out of his pouch and jumping in front of me.

…line…line…line…line…

_Third Person POV_

"She's mine!" Itachi snarls as he jumps from atop a building straight at Kenshori's head, swinging a kunai with one hand and tossing a shuriken with the other. Kenshori pushes Kumori back out of the way and side steps in one fluid moment. He leads a swing with his right hand straight at where Itachi neck should be. Itachi watches the sword swing over his head, and swings a kunai at Kenshori's wrist from his crouch. Kenshori dodges it at the last second, counter-attacking with his second blade. Another swing at the neck and Itachi is stuck on his back, laying on the ground. With one last attempt, he throws his shuriken straight for Kenshori's face. A quick swing of his blade and the shuriken is cut in half.

"Finally, I get to take you out. I was so close so many years ago," Kenshori says as he flashily throws his swords up, catching both swords upside down and slamming them straight into Itachi's chest. The swords become engulfed in smoke and concrete as he Kenshori stares at the ground. It takes a second, but he remembers Kumori and turns around looking for her. "Sonofa..." he trails off as he notices she's no where in sight.

…line…line…line…line…

_Kumori's POV_

After Kenshori pushes me out of the way, I take a couple steps back to make sure I'm not in the way of the battle. He's really good at what he does. I can't help but smile when I see how graceful he is. Then there's a sharp pull from behind me and a hand goes over my mouth to keep me from saying anything. I scream behind it regardless, kicking and fighting the hands.

"Ow," I hear Tobi say in a heartbreaking tone. "Kumori-chan, why are you fighting Tobi? Tobi is a good boy,"

"Sorry Tobi," I say quietly, relaxing against his grip.

"Tobi's missed Kumori-chan," He says nuzzling my neck gently. I smile, resting my head against his.

"I've missed you too, Tobi-kun," I say softly, rubbing his neck gently. I can almost feel him smile. He picks me up and throws me over his shoulder and I squeal, as he takes me elsewhere. Far away from Kenshori. It hurts but I know Tobi isn't going to let me go. But somehow, it feels right. Weird-right.

"Tobi wants to talk to Kumori-chan," He says softly, setting me down in a tree. We're on the same branch and he has me up against the trunk so I don't fall and die.

"You'd better tell me what the hell is going on," I say in my best snarl. He looks sad.

"Tobi had to get Kumori-chan back," He says softly, fidgeting with his hands in his lap.

"What's going on?" I say giving him the best puppy dog face I can muster.

"Tobi wants Kumori-chan to know the truth,"

And he does. Oh my god, he does.

Man, I knew the Akatsuki were lying to me but this takes it to a whole new level. And my parents… Let me explain.

Tobi told me the Akatsuki are (if you wanna get nit-picky) bad guys but their intentions are good. They want to take the world as their own and have their own team of ninja to be mercenaries. That way, they're the only ones that could control wars and the chaos that follows war. The Konoha ninja and everyone allied with them don't like that and want to bring them down. I don't really understand but whatever.

But what hit me hard was the truth about my parents. They were Akatsuki members, subordinates actually, but they were ninja. My father worked under Pein in the early years and my mother was the healer. She was amazing at what she did and she healed my father's ruptured stomach to save his life. They fell in love and were the first couple Pein married. When my mom found out she was pregnant with Riku, they left the Akatsuki. Thankfully, because they were subordinates, they could leave without incident. Pein did make them pay a monthly fee to help the Akatsuki out.

They lived peacefully until about a month before their deaths. Kenshori started tracking them then. They called for backup to help get rid of Kenshori but it was too late. That night on the train he killed them both to get revenge for the death of his parents. An eye for an eye. The Akatsuki did arrive at the scene of their death and my dad's dying wish was for them to ensure I was protected. They took that as tracking me down for three years, kidnapping me, and training me as one of their own.

Pretty sure that's not what he meant.

"What now?" I say, my legs pulled up to my chest and my eyes still watery from crying my eyes out.

"Kumori-chan needs to come back with Tobi," He says pleadingly. I know he wants me to not put up a fight. I nod and he wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a warm, cookie-smelling hug.

"I had no idea, I thought I loved him," I say, my voice strangled. Tobi's grip tightens on me and he hugs me a little tighter.

"Tobi knows," He says softly, starting to rub my back.

…line…line…line…line…

_Kenshori POV_

Kenshori went back to his apartment after the fight and instantly flopped down onto Kumori's bed. It still smells like her. He takes her pillow and wraps his arms around it, gripping it tightly.

"God dammit!" He yells and rips the pillow to shreds. It makes him feel a little better, but not good enough. Within a few seconds, the rest of her room is destroyed, every trace of her gone and torn to pieces.

"I'm going to get you back, Kumori. I promise." He says and a roll of thunder peals across the sky ominously.

…line…line…line…line…

_Kumori's POV_

"Hey, look!" Kisame grins as I walk into the campsite the Akatsuki are at. "Kumori-chan's back!"

"Hi," I say waving weakly as he picks me up and spins me, laughing.

"We've missed ya!" He sets me back down and I stumble, trying to catch my footing again. Hidan catches me as I start to fall, setting me back on my feet.

"Good to have you back," His hand claps down on my shoulder. I look up and smile a little at him. Deidara gives me a quick hug and everyone else says their hellos quietly. It feels good to be back, as weird as it is.


	21. Chapter 21

Stupid Geniuses Ch 21

I've been back two weeks and things are weird. The Akatsuki has been acting like they're walking on eggshells with bombs under them. They totally freak out sometimes when I sneak up behind them, especially Hidan. He almost sliced my arm off once.

I look down at the sewn up part on my upper left arm. I'm lucky, it's not my lead-hand… arm… thing. "Stitches out day after tomorrow, right?" I ask looking at Kakuzu, who's pouring over some bills across the table from me. He grunts and pounds his finger against the calculator's number pad. The result makes him growl and throw the calculator against the wall behind me, shattering it.

"Pst! 'Mori-chan!" Tobi says behind me as I take my sip of my tea. He's hiding behind the fake bamboo plant that looks almost as pathetic as the real one next to it that hasn't been watered in weeks. "'Mori-chan!"

"I can see you, Tobi," Kakuzu says not looking up from the bills. "If you want to talk to Kumori, take her from the room, and talk to her there before I kill you," Tobi makes a quiet 'eep!' noise and tackles me from my chair. I start to protest but he puts one gloved hand over my mouth so I can't talk.

"'Mori-chan! Let's go to the grocery store together!" Tobi says, a small rainbow flying out from behind him. "We have to go back to Kumori's world to get them, 'cause everyone here is after 'Mori-chan!" I deadpan and sigh, nodding

"Sure, let's go," I say and Tobi gives a happy "squee!" before flouncing off to make sure the portal is open. I walk after him slowly, shoving my hands into my pockets and looking around. _I wonder what my parents were like when they were here…_ I think, honestly never able to envision them as fighters, especially Akatsuki.

"Let's go, 'Mori-chan!" Tobi grabs my hand excitedly and I mental curse the gods above for whoever let him eat sugary cereal for breakfast. The portal's been opened in my room. Kisame's standing guard near it, making sure to hold it open. There's a slight sheen of sweat on his forehead from how hard it is to keep a portal open. He smiles slightly at me and the portal flickers. Must take all his concentration…

"C'mon!" Tobi says and pulls me through. It feels like cold water is being poured over me as I step through. I'm in my old apartment… It's still empty. I sigh as Tobi bounces through as well. It looks exactly the same, just a little unused.

"Let's walk to the store!" Tobi says eagerly, and I'm almost sure that his eyes are glistening behind that mask of his.

"We can just take a cab…" I grumble but he's already flouncing ahead of me excitedly. We both walk in silence for a little while before Tobi bounces off the side of the sidewalk into a patch of grass. "Tobi what are you-?" He's already headed back towards me, both hands behind his back.

"'Mori-chan?" I look over at him and he thrusts a couple wild flowers at me. I smile, blushing a little.

"Thank you, Tobi, that's really sweet of you," I say taking them from his hands. "You're so generous," He beams down at me and takes my hand, walking next to me all the way to the store.

"Let's get one of everything!" He says as I put the flowers in my purse, careful not to crumple them.

"We do have a budget, you know," I say deadpanning a little. "I don't think we can get one of every- hey, where are you going?" He's already running down the aisles with a shopping cart, sweeping everything into it.

"'Mori-chan should get another cart!" He yells over his shoulder and I sigh, doing so and following behind him. This is why I said I'd never go shopping with an Akatsuki again…

…line…line…line…line…

"Tobi is a tired boy," Tobi says slumping over my back as I start to pick up the bagged groceries.

"We can take a cab home," I say as he picks up a few bags. I grab the others and hail a cab, shoving the groceries into the trunk. Tobi hops inside and tells the cabbie where my apartment is. I get in and Tobi scoots over to me, laying his head on my shoulder.

The ride is fairly short and Tobi gets out before me, sleepily wobbling around back to get the groceries out of the trunk.

"See you soon," The cabbie purrs flicking his hand to the back of his car as I get out.

"Uh… bye?" I mumble getting rest of the groceries out before the cab peals away.

"'Mori-chan let's go!" Tobi waves from inside my apartment as I climb the stairs. "Tobi has to get going! There's something bad going on back with the Akatsuki!" He shoves the groceries at me and disappears in a puff of smoke. I bite my lip hard and put the bags on the floor, running through the portal. They'd be okay until later, right?

I'm back at the base when I open my eyes and shake off the cold water feeling. I can hear the faint sounds of combat. Running towards the source, my heart sinks.

Tobi runs up behind Itachi and my world seems to move in slow motion. Without even looking, Itachi whirls around, a kunai in hand. It makes contact with the side of his head and he crumples, surrounded by blood. A strangled scream catches in my throat and I can't stay. I can't, the trees seem to be closing in on me. I turn on my heel and start running.

_Portal, portal,_ My mind screams at me as I race through the forest as fast as I can. It's starting to flicker when I push through it. This time the cold water feeling is more like cold jello. When I turn back around, the portal flicks shut with a quiet "zzz-shoup." I fall back on my couch and curl into a ball pathetically. My phone is still on the charger where I left it and I slap my hand around a couple times before I make contact with the phone.

"Yuki? Let's meet for drinks," I say, loving how she doesn't question me. Running to the corner, I easily hail a cab, and one pulls right up.

"That bar on Main Street, please?" I ask, closing the door.

"Oh, you're not going to the bar tonight," The cabbie says and meets my gaze in the rear-view mirror.

**Yeah, that's the end of Stupid Geniuses. I have another story coming up, kind of an expansion on Bottom of a Bottle. Yeah… the sequel to SG is gonna have to wait a while. **


	22. Author's Note

Just a note:

Chapter 1 of Savage Repose (the sequel to Stupid Geniuses) is up and Chapter 2 is almost there! Please give me feedback to if it's as good as Stupid Geniuses.


End file.
